Supposition
by bluemoonmaverick
Summary: My take on how Jack and Sam might have engaged in a clandestine romance off-screen, relying primarily on episode tags and attempting to stay as true to canon as possible. The Conversion/Persuasion series, now all in one place! The series starts late Season 6 and continues from there. Rated M for mature content in certain chapters, as indicated.
1. Conversion

**A/N - Story takes place immediately following the events of Metamorphosis. Rated T.**

It started raining earlier that evening. That's what did it, most likely. He couldn't get the vision of the Russian colonel liquefying before his eyes out of his mind. Well, more specifically, he couldn't rid himself of the thought that the same thing had almost happened to her.

And the rain just kept coming, intent on reminding him of just how close he had come to losing her.

They'd had many close calls, but something about that situation chilled him to the core – that feeling of pure helplessness, that there was absolutely nothing he could do to save her, that he was completely dependent on someone else to do it for him. That he almost hadn't gotten to her in time.

So here he stood, on her front porch, with the rain coming down in sheets around him. He lifted his hand to knock on the door, hesitating just for a moment. He'd come all this way; there was no point turning back now.

She answered the door, dressed only in a tank top and sweat pants. They stood staring at each other for a moment. When he didn't say anything, she finally spoke, her tone indicating her uncertainty and surprise at his unannounced arrival. "Sir?"

"Can I can come in?" he asked.

She opened the door wider, and he moved past her into the entry. He noted immediately how dark it was in her house and gave her a questioning look.

"The power went out a few minutes ago," she said. She moved further into the house, and he followed her. "You want a beer?"

"Sure." She retrieved two from her dark fridge and handed him one. He twisted the cap off and just stopped himself from flinging it across the room. He set it carefully on the counter instead.

She took a swig of her beer, looking at him expectantly. He studied his bottle for a moment and started picking at the label.

"Sir?" she questioned him again.

He didn't take his eyes off the bottle. "That was a close one, Carter."

"Yes, sir," she said softly, her eyes seeking his in the darkness.

"Too close," he said quietly, still picking at the label. When she didn't respond, he looked up at her and saw her questioning him with her eyes. He set his beer down on the counter and moved a little closer.

"The thing is, I can't stop thinking about how close I came to losing you." She hadn't moved, so he stepped closer still, taking the beer from her hand and setting it down on the counter next to his. "I can't stop thinking about how much I would have regretted having never done this."

And with that he stepped right up to her and placed both hands on her face, lowering his lips to hers. He kissed her tenderly, and for a moment she didn't respond. But then he felt her hands on his chest, and she parted her lips, allowing him access. Their tongues danced for a moment, when he suddenly pulled back.

He still held her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. He searched her eyes for some sign that this was okay, that he hadn't gone too far. "Now would be a good time to tell me to go to hell," he whispered.

Her eyes were wide and completely dilated in the dim light of the dark house. "No, sir," she whispered back.

"Please tell me it's not because you don't want to be insubordinate." He gave her a half smile at a failed attempt at levity, but he was breathing heavily now and could feel her proximity starting to affect him.

"No, sir," she replied quietly, for the second time. And at the desperate look she saw in his eyes, she wrapped one arm around his back while the other made its way to the nape of his neck, guiding him back down to her mouth.

"Sam…" he whispered, before he claimed her lips once again. And then they were wrapped around one another for a moment, and he swept her up in his arms, much like he had on the planet. Except this time instead of carrying her to some machine, he carried her to her bedroom, the sound of a heavy rain beating down around them.


	2. Persuasion

**A/N - Sequel to Conversion. Rated T.**

He had been awake for several minutes already, and he'd taken advantage of the time by watching her sleep while he relived the night before. It had been everything he'd hoped it would be and then some. They'd made love frantically, the force of their passion mirroring the wild storm outside. He supposed after six years of repressed desire, he really shouldn't have been surprised.

Finally, the rain had stopped, and now the soft blue light of early morning filtered in around the edges of the drawn bedroom curtains. She stirred in his arms. When she turned over to look up at him, he propped himself up on one elbow and gave her a soft smile. "I'll retire," he said quietly.

"You can't," she replied after a moment, her voice still rough with sleep. "No one wants that, least of all me."

She paused, enjoying the feeling of their naked bodies pressed up against each other. She stared at his chest and ran her fingers through the graying hair she found there. "I'll quit. Go civilian."

He put his hand under her chin and tilted it up, forcing her to look at him. "You don't want that, and neither do I."

"I don't think I can give this up, Jack," she whispered. He knew that she was talking about them, about being together.

"Then don't," he replied quietly, and with that he leaned down and captured her lips with his.

She pulled back after a moment and gave him a puzzled look. He sighed, and lay back down on the bed, looking at her sideways. "You know, everyone thinks we're already sleeping together anyway."

Now she propped herself up and looked down at him. "Colonel," she addressed him formally, and his eyebrows rose at the use of his title, "are you suggesting that we sneak around?"

Suddenly, he flipped her on her back and pinned her with his body. He began kissing her neck, and she gasped as she felt his long fingers begin stroking her. He whispered directly in her ear, causing her entire body to erupt in goose bumps. "No, Major, I'm merely stating that I believe the crime should fit the punishment."

"We'll have to be careful," she panted, as his lips traveled to her breasts and he began moving against her, teasing her. "We probably ought to – oh," she swallowed and after a moment, did her best to finish her sentence, "establish some ground rules."

Jack looked up at her. "Sam," he said, breathless, "you think we can we work on the details later?" Then he was right there, and she lost the ability to formulate a coherent thought.

"Oh," she moaned. "Oh, yes..."

And neither of them said anything else for a long while.


	3. Miscalculation

**A/N - Story takes place immediately after the events of Forsaken. Rated M.**

She was lying on her side, pretending to sleep, when she heard him enter the tent. He had just handed his watch over to Teal'c, who was no doubt pacing the perimeter of their camp. Jonas, on the other hand, was out cold and snoring softly in the tent next to theirs.

He always snored, which is why she never liked sharing her sleeping space with him. Well, if she were being honest, it really wasn't that she didn't like sleeping in the same tent as Jonas so much as she so vastly preferred sharing her tent with Jack. Which, she supposed, was why it hadn't happened very often, at least not before they started this…thing they had started.

Now, though, Jack routinely arranged to share the tent with her. She wondered if her other teammates noticed. If they had, they hadn't said anything. Of course, she and Jack had agreed that they would never, ever do anything inappropriate off-world. Their situation was risky enough. Maintaining the proper level of professionalism on missions was crucial to keeping their relationship secret.

She thought back to Aiden Corso's question about whether she had anyone special back on Earth. "Nothing I'd care to discuss," she'd replied. She had thought that response quite clever at the time, considering the complicated nature of their affair. When they were in the mountain, they were the utmost professionals, never giving anyone reason to suspect that, when they went home, they couldn't keep their hands off of each other.

She had never considered herself sexually adventurous, but something about Jack brought out her inner wild child. He was constantly pushing her limits, and she couldn't remember a time when she had enjoyed the physical aspect of a relationship so much.

She took a deep breath. She needed to stop that train of thought, as there was little she could do about the twinge of desire she felt building in her core. In fact, it was damned dangerous, considering that the object of her desire had just removed his shirt and boots and was now lying beside her.

Jack rolled on his side and put his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. She sighed contentedly as she felt the warmth of his chest against her back. They often allowed themselves this luxury, but that was as far as things went off-world. Which was why she was so surprised to feel his hand begin to wander under the hem of her shirt. As his fingers made their way over her ribs, she felt him begin to nuzzle her neck. She gasped as he palmed her breast, her nipples responding instantly to his touch.

"What are you doing?" she whispered to him.

He began to nibble her ear, causing her skin to erupt in goose bumps. "Want you," he replied quietly.

They had been on this planet for a week now, as the incident with the Hebridan prison ship had delayed their original mission. Since the night he had come to her house and literally swept her off her feet, they hadn't gone more than three or four days without being together. She was missing him, too, but there were good reasons for exercising some restraint off-world.

"Jack. We _agreed_," she said as softly as possible and with more determination than she actually felt.

He pressed the full length of his body to hers, and she could feel his arousal pressing firmly against her backside. "We can be quiet," he whispered directly in her ear.

As she considered his point, he took his hand from her breast and slowly moved it back down her body, past her waist, to the top of her underwear. He ran his fingers around the edge, then slipped them underneath, quickly finding her slick folds.

She could feel him smiling against her neck. "Been thinking of me?"

Damn him, she thought. He began stroking her, and she moaned softly. "You're not playing fair."

"All's fair, Carter." He gently began pulling her underwear down her long legs.

"Jack!"

He unzipped his BDUs and slipped them off. "Shhhhhh, quiet Major." And with that, he rolled her onto her back and positioned himself between her thighs, gently thrusting against her core. She moaned as the sensations he was causing threatened to override her higher brain functions. Desperately, she attempted to wrestle back some control.

"Jonas and Teal'c will hear us." She didn't sound convinced, not even to herself. She was losing this battle, and he knew it. Tactics, after all, were his specialty.

He smiled down at her, then put his lips against her ear. "They will if you keep talking. Now be quiet Major; that's an order." Then he was inside of her, and she lost whatever will she had to resist him.

They had to take things slowly, to maintain control. In hindsight that might have been their undoing. At first, when one of them would slip up and sigh too loudly or moan too long, the other would shush them, which would in turn provoke a chuckle or, in Sam's case, a giggle. "What did I tell you about giggling, Major?" Jack panted in her ear. Unfortunately, that only made her giggle more.

But after awhile, things became increasingly intense, making it difficult to concentrate on keeping silent. The slow rhythm of their movements, coupled with the incredible restraint they were exercising, was quickly culminating in one of the most erotic experiences Sam had ever had. So, she really couldn't be blamed when Jack finally began thrusting harder, moaning her name deep and low, and she suddenly exploded around him, all thought of controlling herself momentarily forgotten.

After the sensations rippling through their bodies finally subsided, she breathed in sharply and looked up at Jack, who was giving her a small smile. "Do you think they heard that?" she whispered, concern etched on her features.

"Relax, Sam. Listen." She stayed stock still and after a few seconds she heard a soft snore emanate from the tent next door.

She let out the breath she was holding. "Oh, thank God."

Jack rolled off of her and pulled her to him, encircling her in his arms. "See, I told you we could pull it off." He kissed her temple and nuzzled her neck. Within moments they were fast asleep.

She woke to find Jack fastening his pants in the dull gray light of early dawn. He bent down to kiss her softly and then spoke directly in her ear. "Good morning, beautiful." He stood up as best he could in the small tent and in a normal tone of voice asked, "Coffee, Major?"

"Yes, please," she smiled up at him. He exited the tent, and she set to work cleaning herself up a bit and getting dressed – and thought ruefully, not for the first time, how much easier such things were for men.

When she was fully dressed, she walked out into the campsite to find all members of her team gathered around their small fire pit, eating the military version of breakfast bars. She sat down on a log next to Jack, and he handed her a steaming cup of coffee. "Thank you, sir," she said, inhaling the welcome aroma.

"You're welcome, Carter," he replied formally, and she was amazed once again how he could transition from passionate lover to commanding officer instantaneously.

"So," Jonas started, "everyone sleep well last night?"

Sam paused a moment as she brought the coffee mug to her lips. What was this about?

"Fine, Jonas," grumbled Jack.

"I slept very well, Jonas Quinn," answered Teal'c. "Did you have a restful night?"

"Oh, for the most part," he responded, scratching his chin. "Though come to think of it, I think I woke up a few times."

Teal'c's face was as stoic as always. "Perhaps something disturbed your sleep. There are many strange noises on this planet at night."

Oh, shit. Sam looked from Teal'c to Jonas and back again, a flush crawling up her neck toward her face.

Jonas turned to face Jack and Sam. "Did you guys hear anything weird last night?"

"Nope," Jack replied, while carefully picking minuscule pieces of fuzz out of his coffee.

Sam stood up suddenly. "Excuse me," she said and quickly made her way into the woods, her face turning a vibrant shade of red.

A little while later, Jack found her staring out over the same pond in which the Sebrus had crashed. He walked up beside her and likewise looked out over the water. "So," he said after a minute.

"So," she replied, still staring straight ahead. "They know?"

He sighed. "Yeah, they know. Guess we weren't as discrete as we thought we were."

Sam closed her eyes. "Guess not," she said miserably.

"Well, it could have been worse. T and Jonas won't say anything. They told me as much. Heck, Jonas thought we'd been together this whole time anyway. And Teal'c, well..."

She turned to look at him. "Teal'c what?"

"Teal'c told me that he considered the consummation of our relationship long overdue, or something like that." He winced. "And, uh, he might have mentioned something about death being a welcome reprieve from the pain and suffering he would inflict upon me should I ever harm you in any way."

She gave him a small smile. "Really, he said that?"

"Oh, _that_ makes you happy?" he asked with mock indignation.

She smiled wider. "A little, yeah."

They stood there for awhile longer staring out over the pond.

"So, I guess we shouldn't..." Jack made a vague gesture with his hand. "You know, off-world."

"No, definitely not," Sam said quickly.

"Although now that the team knows..."

"Not gonna happen."

"Okay, okay." He continued to look out over the water, then shrugged his shoulders. "Still, there could be circumstances..."

"Jack!"

"Right." He sighed, then after a moment, he spoke again. "Look, Sam, I'm really sorry the guys found out this way. And I'm sorry I embarrassed you."

She turned to look at him, a soft smile gracing her features. "Well, it does take two to tango."

"And that was some tango." He was grinning widely now. He nudged her arm with his. "So, was it worth it?"

She gave him her most dazzling smile. "Oh, yeah." He beamed back at her. "But it's not happening again, flyboy." His face fell, and she turned and walked back toward camp.

Jack looked out over the water for a moment longer. Then a disturbing thought occurred to him. "You mean just off-world, right? Sam?"

He ran as fast as he could to catch up with her.


	4. Competition

**A/N - Story takes place immediately following the events of Memento. Rated T.**

God, he hated formal parties. When he and Sam had returned through the Stargate with the materials needed to repair the Prometheus, Chairman Ashwan, true to his word, had insisted on celebrating Tagrea's newfound friendship with Earth with a state dinner in their honor. When Jack attempted to decline on the basis that they didn't have anything appropriate to wear, Ashwan had just laughed and told him they'd take care of it.

So here he stood, in the middle of what amounted to the pre-dinner cocktail hour (how was it that such things were literally universal?), trying what he hoped was Tagrea's version of beer, wearing some oddly colored yet surprisingly comfortable robes, and waiting on Sam, who had yet to appear after being whisked away by Ashwan's assistant a few hours earlier to "prepare for the party." Luckily, he had met up with Jonas and Teal'c, both similarly attired, who were regaling him with stories of the locals' idiosyncrasies. Being both aliens themselves, the irony of the situation was not lost on Jack.

Jonas was in the process of cracking himself up. "So, there we were, trying to figure out how to wear the things, when it turns out we were supposed to eat them!" Jack just rolled his eyes and took another sip of his beer, while Teal'c lifted one eyebrow in what Jack translated as mild amusement.

If Jonas noticed that neither Jack nor Teal'c was laughing with him, he gave no indication. However, when Chairman Ashwan and Colonel Ronson walked up, Jonas immediately adopted a more sober demeanor. Ronson, Jack thought, had that effect on people. "Chairman, Colonel," Jack acknowledged the men.

"Colonel O'Neill," replied Ashwan. "I'm so glad you could join us. Colonel Ronson and I have been discussing the treaty that will be signed—"

"Whoa," Jonas interrupted, looking somewhere behind Jack. All heads turned in the direction Jonas was looking. What Jack saw nearly caused him to drop his drink.

Sam had just walked into the room with Ashwan's assistant trailing behind. She was dressed in a fitted, floor length, sleeveless dress in a light blue color that matched her eyes. Her hair had been styled, and like several of the other local women at the dinner, it was adorned with some sort of tiny twinkling lights. She was, in a word, stunning.

Jack looked at her with a completely inappropriate sense of masculine pride. She was clearly the most beautiful woman at the party, and she was all his, even if no one but Jonas and Teal'c knew it. So caught up was he in watching his Major move across the room, he missed whatever it was Ashwan was trying to say to him, until Jonas nudged him with his elbow.

Jack tore his gaze away from Sam and turned toward Tagrea's leader. "I'm sorry, Chairman. What were you saying?"

Ashwan chuckled. "I said, Colonel, you are an incredibly fortunate man to have such an intelligent and beautiful woman by your side each day."

When Jack just gaped at him, it was Teal'c who came to his rescue. "Major Carter is indeed a most excellent Second in Command. Would you not agree, O'Neill?"

"Yes…yes, of course. An excellent subordinate officer. The best. Well said, Teal'c." Jack slapped the Jaffa on the shoulder with a little more enthusiasm than was strictly necessary and hoped he had adequately recovered himself. He chanced a look at Ronson only to find the man staring at him intently. Of course, the man looked at everyone intently.

Ashwan turned toward Sam and smiled at her as she approached. "Major Carter. You look lovely this evening."

"Thank you, Chairman." She nodded to the rest of the group. "Gentlemen." She looked at each of them in turn, letting her gaze linger on her commanding officer and flushing slightly when he gave her a slightly loopy half-smile.

The Tangrean leader offered Sam his elbow. "I was wondering if you would do me the honor of sitting next to me this evening at dinner?" She took his elbow, and he began leading her toward the dining hall. Jack turned to watch them leave and couldn't help but notice that she looked just as good exiting the room as she did entering.

Once again his thoughts about his Major were interrupted, this time by Ronson. "Colonel O'Neill. I was wondering if I might have a word?"

Jonas and Teal'c quickly excused themselves, and Jack turned to face his fellow Colonel. Something about the man bothered him immensely, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was exactly. Being given command of the Prometheus had clearly gone to Ronson's head, but it was more than just his arrogance that made Jack wary. Of course, he never trusted anyone who lacked of a sense of humor, and Jack doubted that William Ronson had ever found a single thing funny in his entire life.

"What can I do for you, Bill?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Major Carter."

Jack felt his stomach drop. Had he been too obvious? He feigned nonchalance. "Oh? What about her?"

"I was wondering whether she might be interested in an assignment aboard the Prometheus." Jack's eyebrows shot to the top of his head. Ronson continued, "I've been watching the Major, and I think she would be an excellent addition to my crew. Her knowledge of the ship's systems would prove invaluable, and I believe you have already stated that she makes an excellent Second."

Jack was stunned. "You want her as _your_ Second in Command?"

"I think I could swing a promotion for her, Jack. And you have to admit, a stint aboard the Prometheus would significantly expand her experience. After a few years with me, she'd probably be ready for her own command."

Jack responded immediately. "Well, I'm sorry, Bill, but I'm not prepared to give her up. She belongs with SG-1."

Ronson paused and narrowed his eyes. He took a sip of his drink, looked across the room, and then spoke quietly. "You know, Jack, there are some who think that your relationship with Major Carter is more than just professional."

Jack felt a flush crawl up his neck. It took all of his Special Forces training to keep his rising temper under control. Ronson continued. "I don't believe that, of course," he said with absolutely no sincerity whatsoever, "but there are several high-ranking members of the Air Force who have speculated that Major Carter is simply sleeping her way to the top."

Jack balled his fists. When he spoke, he took special care to control his voice, though it remained low and dangerous. "That," he growled, "is fucking bullshit, and you know it. Carter's a far better officer than you and me put together."

Ronson turned to face him. "I don't doubt that, Jack, but you have to consider the perceptions that are out there. And let's face it, people are asking questions and have been for some time. An assignment with me would go a long way toward re-establishing her good reputation." And with that, Ronson turned and walked into the dining hall.

After a moment, Jack walked outside and, leaning over a railing, quietly fumed. He let out a long breath. Dammit, but Ronson had a point. He was well aware of the rumors out there about Sam and him; they had been around long before the two of them had actually acted on their feelings. Still, he had never considered that staying under his command might be hurting her career. He truly believed Sam belonged on SG-1, but what if he was just being greedy? He wanted her, heck he _needed_ her, on his team – not to mention in his life – but what if that wasn't the best thing for her? As he rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, it occurred to him that this was precisely why the frat regs existed.

He stood there for a long time when he heard Sam approach. "Is everything okay, sir? The dinner has already begun."

Afraid to look at her, he continued to stare out over the railing. "Ronson wants you as his Second. Says it would be good for your career." He paused, then added, "I'm thinking he might be right."

"I see," she said softly. "And what do you want?"

He turned to face her. "Dammit, Sam, what I want is irrelevant. Part of my job as your commanding officer is to make sure that you have every opportunity available to you."

"And what about what I want?"

Jack let out a long breath. He really didn't want to have this conversation, but she had a right to know. She needed to make an informed decision. "Look, Sam, there's more. He says the brass thinks we're sleeping together, that staying with me is hurting your career. He thinks transferring to a new command will help your reputation."

To his utter amazement, Sam actually laughed out loud. "Oh, he said that, did he? He's really playing dirty, then – and you're letting him." When he just stared at her, she continued. "Ronson already asked me if I wanted the position."

"What?" he exclaimed. It was serious breach of protocol to offer a transfer to an officer without first discussing it with the individual's commanding officer.

"Yep, and I turned him down on the spot." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "God, the man has some nerve."

"That slimy son-of-a-bitch," Jack muttered. After a moment, he continued. "Still, though, he's right about one thing – there are rumors out there about us. What if that's holding you back?"

She laughed again, though without any humor. "Jack, there've been rumors about me my entire career. When I did well at the Academy, people said I was sleeping with my professors. When I got the assignment at the SGC, people accused me of sleeping with everyone from Hammond to the Joint Chiefs. Why do you think I had such a chip on my shoulder when I got there?" Jack winced, but Sam just continued. "And there were rumors about us within a month of my being assigned to your team. Even if I transferred to Ronson's command, how long do you think it would take for the rumors to start about him and me?"

"Jeez, Sam, I've never thought about it like that."

Sam paused, attempting to catch her breath. When she continued, her voice was low. "I've cut my hair, worn baggy BDUs…I've put myself on the front lines; I've done everything my male counterparts have done and then some, but in the end, it doesn't make any difference – there are some people who will always think that the only way a woman could possibly succeed in the military is on her back."

"I don't think that," he inserted quickly.

"I know, and it's one of the things I lov—" Sam flushed and tried again. "It's one of the things that I find so attractive about you. And as for the others, well, I learned a long time ago to ignore those people and just do the best I can. And so far, I think it's worked out just fine."

He considered her words. "Yeah, I guess it has. So, I take it you'd be okay with me telling Ronson to take a flying leap?" He grinned at her.

She smiled back at him. "More than okay. You ready to come back to the party now?"

He offered her his elbow, just as Ashwan had done. When she took it, he paused and looked down at her, serious once again, "Sam, promise me you'll tell me if you ever feel like I'm holding you back."

"I can't ever imagine…"

He cut her off. "Just…promise me."

"Okay," she sighed. "I promise."

"And one more thing." He grinned at her again. She raised her eyebrow at him, channeling her inner Teal'c. "Promise me you'll bring that dress back home."


	5. Isolation

**A/N - Takes place immediately after the events of Full Circle. Rated K+**

The debrief had been mercifully, well, brief. What more was there to say? Yep, turns out Anubis wiped out the planet after all. They're dead. Ascended. Whatever. What difference did it make? At the end of the day they were gone – Yasuf, Skaara...all his kids, every last one of them. Just like Daniel. And Kawalsky. And Charlie…

He'd walked straight from the meeting to his truck. He hadn't even stopped to change into civvies first. He thought he'd heard her call after him, but he didn't really care. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, not even her.

It was pitch black in his house, and he didn't bother turning on the lights. He liked it dark. It suited his mood. He gave some serious consideration to polishing off the bottle of Jim Beam he kept stashed in his kitchen cabinet but ultimately decided he was too exhausted to drink. Instead, he went to his bedroom, stripped down to his boxers, and crawled into bed. Damn, he was getting old.

He must have stared at his ceiling for at least two hours. Just as he was rethinking the merits of getting good and truly drunk, he heard his front door open. What the hell? Couldn't she take a hint?

He closed his eyes and listened as she made her way through his house, back to his bedroom. She must have been staring at him because he knew she was there, but she wasn't making a sound. He was tempted to open his eyes but thought better of it. Maybe if she thought he was sleeping, she'd go away.

Ah, no such luck. Instead of leaving, she moved toward the bed. He heard the rustle of clothing being shed and felt the mattress dip as she got under the covers next to him. He rolled onto his side, away from her. That should do it. He couldn't be any clearer than that.

Shockingly, he felt her move closer, pressing her soft body against his back. An arm snaked around his waist, fingers splayed against his chest. She pressed her lips to the back of his neck, and he felt her warm breath there as she whispered just two words: "I know."

He squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to keep the tears at bay. After a long while, he laid his hand on top of hers and intertwined their fingers, letting the steady rhythm of her heartbeat finally lull him to sleep.


	6. Trepidation

**A/N - Sequel to Isolation. Rated T.**

_He was pinned like a bug to a mat, helpless as he watched Baal lay out his knives and tiny vials of acid. God, but he didn't think he could do this again. He felt his terror rise as Baal looked up from his display, that same damn smirk always on his face. Bile clawed at the back of his throat and he felt his heartbeat speed up in anticipation of the horrendous ordeal he knew was coming. Surprisingly, though, Baal didn't even look at him, his attention focused instead on the young man pinned like him to the adjacent wall. Skaara! What the hell was he doing here?_

_Jack struggled against his invisible restraints. There was no way he would let that snaky bastard do to Skaara what he did to him. He looked up as he heard Skaara scream. Four knives protruded from his body and a drop of acid was slowly boring a hole through his skull. No!_

_"I can help him, you know." The calm voice drew his attention to the place Baal had stood just a moment before. A familiar form in a white sweater looked back at him serenely._

_"Daniel?" he asked._

_Suddenly, a white light momentarily blinded him, and then Skaara was gone, replaced by Sam, the same four knives protruding from her pinned form._

_"I can help her, you know." Jack looked back at Daniel, except this time he was smirking just like Baal and was unstoppering a bottle of acid. Jack watched in horror, helpless as Daniel tilted the bottle toward Sam, a single drop hovering at the edge. "Why don't you let me help her, Jack?" And with that the drop flew from the bottle._

_"God, Sam! No!"_

_She turned to look at him as the acid began eating a hole through her heart. "Help me, Jack," she said calmly. "Jack. Jack?"_

He sat bolt upright in bed, in the dark, gasping for breath. Sam knelt beside him, her hands on his back. "Jack?" she asked again, concern evident in her voice. "Are you okay?"

He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He was still shaking and a thin sheen of sweat covered his skin. "Sorry," he said gruffly. "Bad dream."

"Abydos?" she asked softly.

He took his hands away from his eyes and rubbed them over his face, then through his hair. "Yeah, something like that."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Sara had never once asked him about his nightmares. He assumed she just didn't want to know. Of course, Sara would have left him to sleep in the spare room the moment he turned his back on her. But, then, Sam was different from Sara, in more ways than he could count, not the least of which was that fact that she already had a good idea what his nightmares were about. "I know," she had said. And she did. At least some of it.

Still, could he talk about it with her? He sighed. No, probably not. Even though she knew all about the events that gave rise to his nightmares, she didn't know what was really underlying the bad dreams. Somewhere in the darkest part of his soul, he knew it was because he had failed them. He had failed Skaara. He'd failed Daniel and Charlie and all the rest. And, ultimately, he'd failed himself. And that was not something he was willing to discuss, not even with her.

He looked up at her, and gave her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Not really."

They sat in silence for awhile. Then she moved in front of him, straddling his legs. Slowly, she brought her hands up to his face and lowered her lips to his. He hesitated for just a moment before returning her kiss, finally agreeing to take refuge in the only other comfort she could give him. And as he surrendered completely to her warm skin, wet mouth, and soft sighs, he prayed to whatever god was out there that he wouldn't fail her, too.


	7. Revelation

**A/N – Takes place after the events of Fallen and Homecoming. By way of reminder, Daniel de-ascends and returns to the SGC with a spotty memory, and Jonas returns to Kelowna. And there's some stuff about a plan to rid the galaxy of Anubis which does not work out as expected, though it's not really relevant here. **

**I swear this did not start out rated M, but I think it may have wound up there.**

**Revelation, Part 1**

"It's Jack isn't it?"

"To what to you refer, Daniel Jackson?" Jack, Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel had just finished dinner in the commissary. After, Jack and Sam had taken off for home, while Teal'c and Daniel made their way down the nearly abandoned SGC corridors, toward their rooms.

"It's Jack that Sam has a thing for. I...I just remembered. She and Jack have this, this thing. This thing that no one talks about."

Teal'c raised his eyebrow at Daniel and kept walking, but the archeologist was warming to his subject and would not be deterred.

"I'm right, aren't I? I realized it at dinner tonight. The way she laughs at his lame jokes. The way he looks at her when he thinks no one's paying attention. The fact that they always sit so close together. They have a thing." He tried to keep up with Teal'c while considering this latest revelation. "Huh. And I thought it was me." The last he said mostly to himself.

Teal'c did not slow his pace. "You believed you and Major Carter had been involved in a romantic relationship?"

"Well, I didn't know. I couldn't remember her. I just knew she was beautiful, and I got the impression we'd been close...but it was Jack."

Teal'c stopped abruptly at the elevator bank and hit the call button. He turned to face Daniel. "You are surprised, Daniel Jackson?"

Daniel stopped as well, thankful that he did so quickly enough not to run into the Jaffa. "Well, I just...I think I discounted it initially because, well, you know. He's, uh, a little older than she is. And he's her superior officer. And there are rules about that kind of thing, right?"

"Indeed." The elevator arrived and Teal'c entered with Daniel close behind.

Seeing that no one else was in the elevator with them, Daniel persisted in his questioning. "So, are they?"

Teal'c stared straight ahead. "Are they what, Daniel Jackson?"

"Are they together?"

Teal'c looked sideways at Daniel. The elevator came to a stop, and the door opened. "I think it would be more appropriate to ask Major Carter or Colonel O'Neill that question." Teal'c walked out.

"They are, aren't they?" Daniel was grinning now.

Teal'c said nothing, but continued walking down the hallway, staring straight ahead.

"I knew it!" Daniel said.

**Revelation, Part 2**

As had quickly become their usual practice, Sam followed Jack home on her Indian after they left the base. Most nights, she parked the bike in his garage, and tonight was no exception. While they had no reason to suspect anyone was spying on them, they both believed they couldn't be too careful. There were, after all, plenty of people outside of the SGC who would like nothing better than to discredit the program's flagship team, and an affair between the two military members would provide a lot of ammunition.

Jack waited for her in the garage and followed her into the house, turning off the lights as he went. As they made their way through the dark house, Sam's thoughts lingered on Daniel. Tonight they had had their first dinner at the base with the old team. Jack had been guarded with his opinion of his friend's return, and she wondered what he was thinking. As she grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge, she decided to probe him a bit on the subject.

She opened the bottle and took a drink. "So, it's good to have Daniel back. I've really missed him."

Jack took the bottle from her and took a swig as well. He turned to make his way out of the kitchen. As he headed down the hall toward the bedroom, he asked over his shoulder, "Do we have him back? Seems like he's still a few sandwiches short of a picnic to me."

Sam grabbed a second bottle, then followed Jack into the bedroom. "He says his memory's starting to return. I think with time, he'll get there. Still, I have to admit sometimes it's disconcerting when he doesn't remember certain things..."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Such as?" He sat on the bed to remove his shoes.

"Well, for example, when we first found him and we were trying to convince him to come back to the SGC with us, he asked me if there had ever been anything between him and me." Sam kicked off her own shoes and began removing her jewelry, placing it on Jack's dresser.

Jack stood up and looked sharply at Sam. "Oh, did he now? And what did you tell him?" He took off his shirt and threw it on the chair, then unbuttoned his khakis.

Sam slid her jeans off and rounded on Jack. "Well, no, of course. What else would I have said?"

Though his tone was casual, Jack's stance was anything but. He stared at Sam, with his arms crossed over his chest. "So, you've never thought about Daniel that way?"

Sam furrowed her brows and stared back at him. "No! Of course not. Why would you think that?"

Realizing that he looked less than relaxed, Jack uncrossed his arms and shrugged. "Well, if you think about it, it would make a lot more sense for the two of you to be together than the two of us."

"Why would you say that?" she asked, somewhat shocked. Never in her entire time on SG1 had she ever been attracted to Daniel. It had always been Jack.

His eyes snapped up to hers, and there was an edge to his voice now. "Gee, I don't know. For starters, he's not your superior officer. There'd be no restrictions on your relationship."

Sam stared at him for a full minute. Clearly she had touched a nerve she didn't even know existed. She decided it was time for a change of tactics.

Her lips quirked in a half smile. She walked toward him slowly, placing both hands on his chest. In a low and husky voice, she said, "Well, you know what they say. You always want what you can't have."

He lowered his voice, matching hers. "Oh, is that what they say?" Almost unconsciously, he began unbuttoning her shirt, and she knew she had him.

"Uh huh." She placed her lips on the side of his neck and began kissing and sucking at the skin there.

Jack's body instantly responded to the contact. He pushed her shirt off her shoulders and began working on her bra. "He's a lot closer to your age than I am."

Sam moved her hands down his body, while moving her lips to his ear. "They also say you're only as old as you feel." And on the last word, she let her fingers trace the shape of his erection through his boxers.

Jack groaned and let his hands wonder over her back and ribs, brushing the sides of her now bare breasts. "All right, how about this: he's a brainiac, just like you."

She smiled, as her fingers found their way under the waistband of his boxers. "Ah, but with age comes wisdom." And with that, she pushed them off his hips.

Jack returned the favor, his fingers finding their way under the edge of Sam's panties to her slick folds beneath. "He's a lot better looking than I am."

She gasped as he stroked her most sensitive spot. She had to concentrate to form her next sentence, the words coming out in low moan. "Oh, now you're really reaching."

Jack stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. "Am I? Did you see the reaction of the nursing staff when he walked into the infirmary?"

She smiled and grabbed his face with both hands. "Okay, fine," she said, her voice still low. "How about this: love is blind."

He returned the smile. "Love?"

She nodded and looked at him half-lidded. "Yes," she said in her most seductive voice. "And not that it's necessary in your case, but it is, in fact, blind."

He slipped her panties down her legs and pushed her back on the bed with a slightly wicked grin. "Thank god."

He then fell into her welcoming arms, their bodies meeting in all the right places. And that was the last either of them thought of Daniel for a long, long time.


	8. Correlation

**A/N - Episode tag to Revisions. Rated T.**

Sam stood still and let the spray from the shower run down her body. It had been a long week on P3X-289, and to say she was happy to be back would be a gross understatement. The toll this mission had taken had been less physical than emotional, but Sam wondered which was worse. She was still intensely troubled by the fact that the inhabitants of the planet had simply had all memory of their love ones erased after they were killed, like they never existed at all. Pallan had seemed so lost - to discover that he had a loving wife who was now dead but whom he couldn't remember - it was tragic. Despite the warmth of the water, she shivered.

On top of everything else, she was missing Jack. She and Daniel had stayed together in one house in the village, while Jack and Teal'c stayed in another. Sam knew Jack had done that on purpose, as the sleeping arrangements would probably make their way into the mission report in some form or another this time around. Better safe than sorry, she thought.

Still, she couldn't wait to feel Jack's arms around her, his lips on hers. Sure, she and Daniel had fun together; they had stayed up late chatting about everything, including Jack, who had accused them of acting "like two eight year old girls at a slumber party" when he found out. Daniel, in turn, had threatened to roll Jack's house, which ultimately led to an eyebrow raise by Teal'c upon hearing Daniel's explanation of the prank. She smiled at the thought. As much as she enjoyed Daniel's company, though, her heart belonged to only one man, and she was anxious to see him. She shut off the water and stepped out of the shower.

The women's locker room at the SGC was much smaller than the men's, but given that there were so few women on SGC teams, most days Sam had the place to herself. Today, however, was not one of them. As she exited the showers, she immediately noticed Erica Torres standing in front of her locker, staring at its contents.

Like Sam, Erica was the only female member of her unit, SG18. She was smart, attractive, and no-nonsense. Unlike Sam, she was a Marine and, though trained as a chemical engineer, was a soldier first and foremost. She was also several years younger than Sam and had a reputation for being tough as nails. Which was why Sam was so surprised to discover that she was crying.

"Erica?" Sam walked toward her. "What's wrong?"

Her features hardened, and she squared her shoulders. "Nothing." Erica didn't even look at her but began taking items from her locker and shoving them roughly into her duffle bag.

"All right," replied Sam. If she didn't walk to talk, Sam wasn't going to press. Erica continued pulling items from her locker as Sam got dressed. It soon became apparent that she was removing everything. This Sam couldn't ignore. "Erica, what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing." She said again. After a moment, she added, "I'm being redeployed. Outside of the SGC."

"What?" Sam was shocked. No one left the SGC voluntarily. For everyone she knew, this was a dream assignment. Of course, the military likewise wasn't fond of having people work outside of program once they had learned its secrets, so redeployments were rare and were usually the result of some sort of disciplinary action. "What happened?" She asked quietly.

Erica stopped for a moment and let out a sigh. She shook her head and let it drop into her hands. "I was stupid, Sam." She looked up at Sam and then lowered herself onto the bench. Sam sat beside her and waited for her to continue. For a long time, Erica just studied her fingernails. Finally, she spoke. "Reggie and I were...involved, for awhile."

Sam's eyebrows shot up. Major Reginald Lowe was the leader of SG18 and Erica's commanding officer. He was also married with one child and, if Sam remembered correctly, a second on the way. Sam was shocked, not only because Erica had an affair with a married man, but because she had absolutely no idea anything was going on between them. As far as she was aware, the only rumors about Erica centered on the theory that she wasn't even interested in men.

Erica continued. "We didn't mean for anything to happen; it just did. I knew he was married, but...well, we were together off-world so much. Out of sight, out of mind, you know." She looked up at Sam and gave her a smile with no humor in it. Her face fell, and she looked at her hands again. "Or at least that's what I thought."

"How long?" Sam asked softly.

"We were together for almost a year. Then one night a few weeks ago, out of the blue, he told me he couldn't do it anymore, that he loved his wife, that she was having another baby." She was quiet for awhile, and while her features remained stern, Sam could see the tears pooling in her eyes. "At first, we fought, and then we just didn't speak to each other for a long time." She blinked and a few of the tears fell. "I asked to be transferred to another team, but I wouldn't tell them why, and since there was nowhere for me to go..." She shrugged. "I just stayed with SG18. And things got bad, Sam. Real bad. I...I didn't handle it well, but neither did he. It was rough on all of us - my unit knew, of course, but they didn't know how to fix it. We weren't functioning as a team anymore." She paused as more tears fell. "And then I really screwed up."

"What happened?" Sam asked for a second time.

Erica was quiet for so long, Sam didn't think she was going to respond. Then she started speaking, her voice quivering. "We were on P3X-853, a routine recon mission. Reggie had us split up to search the area. He kept me with him, and sent Johansson and Riley off on their own. We'd been out there awhile when we had another fight. I got pissed and stormed off and I..." She hesitated for a moment. "I turned off my radio."

"Why would you do that?" Sam asked, her voice full of disbelief.

Erica sighed. "I didn't want to talk to him, didn't want him to find me." She shook her head. "He was being such an asshole. And I wasn't rational." Sam saw tears pooling in her eyes once again. She took a deep breath. "Turns out the mission wasn't so routine after all. Johansson and Riley ran into a Jaffa patrol. They radioed us to get to the 'gate but, of course, I didn't hear it. They wouldn't leave without me, none of them. By the time they found me, the Jaffa had the 'gate well guarded. There weren't that many of them, but we had to fight our way out. Riley got winged as he dove for the wormhole, and Johansson..." She looked up at Sam. "Fraiser thinks he'll probably make it, but he's still not out of the woods."

Sam gasped. She had heard one of the other teams was injured, but she hadn't realized it was SG18 until now. "So what did you tell Hammond?"

"He pressed us hard. I finally admitted that I turned my radio off. He asked me why, but I just told him I wanted to be alone. I kept waiting for Reggie to say something – to come to my defense or maybe take some of the blame – but he didn't say a word, Sam. Not one damn word."

Sam considered her reply. "He should have, Erica. Maybe you should tell Hammond."

She shrugged. "There's no point now. Besides, Hammond suspected something was up. He removed Reggie from command, and we're both being redeployed." She got up and slung her bag over her shoulder. "I had my dream job, Sam. The best posting in the entire military. And I lost it all because I let my heart control my head." She huffed. "And I didn't even get the guy."

As she made her way to the exit, Sam struggled to think of something to say and came up with nothing. Erica opened the door, then stopped and suddenly turned to look at Sam who was still sitting on the bench. "Don't make the same mistake I did, Sam." And with that, she walked out of the locker room - and the SGC - for good.

oOoOoOo

"They're a lot younger than we are, Sam."

Sam had been so shaken by her conversation with Erica Torres that she had considered not going to see Jack that night after all. In the end, the need to be with him had been overwhelming, so she had driven her Indian from the base straight to his house. Hammond had already made Jack aware of the facts surrounding Reggie and Erica's redeployment, and Sam had been wound up like a spring since she arrived.

Sam was now pacing, and she snapped at him mid stride. "Reggie is my age, Jack."

"Yeah, well, Reggie is an idiot. Not to mention married." Jack had been doing his best to calm Sam down, but so far he had been unsuccessful. Sam continued pacing, so he took a deep breath and tried again. "He didn't love her, Sam."

Sam stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face Jack. Her features softened. After a moment, she asked quietly, "Do you think that makes a difference?"

Jack took her into his arms and pulled her close. "I do," he said, his lips brushing her hair. "But if this relationship is making you nervous, just say the word, and we'll stop."

Sam felt her stomach clench at the thought. "That easy?" she mumbled into his chest.

"I didn't say it would be easy," he whispered, holding her tighter.

Sam felt her own tears starting to well up. She couldn't imagine her life without Jack in it. The memory of him missing with Maybourne crossed her mind, and she shuddered. She didn't think she could go through something like that again. Still, she couldn't help but feel that the situation with Reginald Lowe and Erica Torres was a bad sign, a precursor of things to come. And she wondered now whether it wouldn't be better to have the memory of love simply erased completely, as Pallan had, rather than having to live with the pain of losing it.

**A/N - Thanks to MidKnight Rider for the fantastic beta!**


	9. Separation

**A/N - This is set immediately after the events of Enemy Mine, but it has nothing to do with that episode. Think of it, instead, as a prequel to Inauguration. Rated T, with a warning for angst.**

Jack entered the restaurant and made a bee-line for the bar, searching the darkened tables for a familiar bald head. Finally spotting what he was looking for, he made his way to a back booth and slid in across the table from his commanding officer.

"You should order a drink, Jack," Hammond said, taking a sip of his own beer.

Damn, Jack thought. That was really not a good sign. As soon as Hammond had suggested they meet for a beer at O'Malley's, Jack had known something was up. In the seven years they had worked together, Hammond had never socialized with Jack or any of his other subordinates outside of the occasional base picnic or Christmas party.

Jack flagged the waitress and ordered a Guinness. He had a feeling a Coors just wasn't going to cut it. Jack looked up at Hammond. "I'm assuming you wanted to meet me here for some reason other than the pleasure of my company, sir."

Hammond looked Jack right in the eye. "I need this conversation to remain off the record, Jack." Jack nodded and Hammond continued. "Two days ago, I was contacted by a 'friend' at the Pentagon. He passed on some information concerning Kinsey."

Jack groaned and sat back. "Should've known," he muttered.

"Seems that the first item on Kinsey's agenda, once he's elected Vice President, is to remove control of the SGC from the military."

"Well, that's nothing new, sir," Jack replied. "Kinsey's always been a..." Hammond held up a hand as the waitress approached with Jack's beer. She sat it down with an appreciative glance in Jack's direction and walked off.

Hammond jumped in. "There's more, Jack. Kinsey is trying to collect any evidence he can to support his argument that the military shouldn't be running the program. According to my source, he's enlisted the help of certain members of the NID and has authorized them to use any means necessary to uncover damaging information about our operation."

Jack really didn't like where this was going. He furrowed his brow and considered whether he wanted to ask the question that sprang to mind. He picked up his beer and took a sip, hoping for some liquid courage. "And what is it he thinks he's going to find?"

Hammond let Jack finish drinking before responding. He sat up a straighter. "Among other things, Kinsey is convinced that you're involved in a sexual relationship with your subordinate officer."

Jack's eyes snapped up to Hammond's, and this time the older man held up both hands, cutting off the sarcastic response that was on the tip of Jack's tongue. His features softened a bit. "Look, son, I don't know if anything is going on between you and Major Carter and, frankly, I don't want to know." Jack started, but Hammond cut him off again. "I'm not blind, Jack. It's pretty clear your feelings for each other go well beyond the traditional supervisor-subordinate relationship."

He sighed and sat back. "I probably should have split the two of you up a long time ago, but whatever the situation, you, Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c make a damn fine team, and I just couldn't see any reason to screw that up. Still don't. But you need to be careful, Jack, real careful. If anything inappropriate were brought to light, there wouldn't be much I could do to help you. You know what happened to Torres and Lowe, and Kinsey would like nothing better than to make an example out of you and Sam. That would be the end of your career - and hers."

Jack spun his now empty bottle on the table and considered Hammond's words. He had no doubt that Kinsey had it in for him and would gladly take down Sam, too, if for no other reason than to get to him. And he was sure he had the means; there was no telling what lengths the NID would go to, especially with Kinsey's support - surveillance, wire tapping, pictures and video - that was just the tip of the iceberg.

And here Hammond was, trying to warn him. Jack wondered how long he'd known about the two of them. Regardless, he was sure as hell glad he had. The thought of Kinsey embarrassing Sam and fucking up her career just to spite him made his stomach turn.

Sam. God, what was he going to do? He could only think of one thing. He caught his bottle suddenly and looked up at his commanding officer. "I'll retire," he said.

Hammond fixed him with a stern glare. "I'm sorry Jack, but you can't do that."

"Why not?" He smirked. "I've done it once. I'll do it again."

Hammond's face remained serious. "It won't help, Jack. Kinsey'll just point to your retirement as evidence that there was something going on between the two of you all along. Besides..." He leaned in a bit toward the table. "I still need you and SG-1 out there, now more than ever. And if you or Major Carter leaves the SGC, you'll be giving Kinsey exactly what he wants."

Jack let out a deep breath and stared at the table. So that was it, then. He and Sam would have to stop seeing each other or else risk their careers and possibly the future of the entire SGC. He furrowed his brows, and focused on trying to keep his emotions in check. Christ, he was in love with her! How could Hammond expect him to just end it?

As if reading his mind, Hammond leaned in closer, and not unkindly said, "Look, son, it's not forever."

When Jack didn't respond, Hammond got up and threw a twenty on the table. He started to make his way out of the bar, then stopped and grasped Jack's shoulder. "If you ever want to talk, Jack, unofficially or otherwise, you know where to find me."

Jack nodded without taking his eyes off the table, and Hammond squeezed his shoulder once before heading out of the bar.

Jack picked up his bottle and gave it another spin.

oOoOoOo

Sam made her way into the heart of Palmer Park. As promised, Jack was waiting for her on a bench that sat off to one side of the path near the playground. She walked toward him with a smile that dimmed as she approached and took in his demeanor.

"Hey. What's with all the cloak and dagger?" She sat next to him on the bench. Jack looked up at her but did not return her smile. Sam felt a sliver of fear and immediately repressed it. "What's wrong?" she asked, more serious now.

"Kinsey," he replied, practically spitting the word.

She attempted to keep her tone light. "What's he done now? Do we need to sic Thor on him again?"

"He wants control of the SGC. Sam..." Jack cut her off before she could dismiss his concern. "He's going to try to come through you and me to get it."

"What do you mean?" she asked, as her face fell further.

Jack looked down at his hands, then met Sam's eyes. "Kinsey's convinced that we're sleeping together, and he's enlisted the help of the NID to prove it."

Sam huffed. "You can't be serious." When she looked at him, though, she saw the worry etched on his features. "Oh my god, you are. How do you know all of this?"

"Hammond," he replied. "He's got someone on the inside."

Sam shook her head, confused. "Wait a minute. Hammond knows about us?"

"He suspects."

Sam considered his response. She was surprised, though she supposed she shouldn't have been. Hammond always had good instincts. Still, she felt a little uncomfortable knowing that the head of the SGC, not to mention her godfather, knew she was sleeping with her commanding officer. She filed that fact away to deal with later and focused, instead, on the issue at hand. "Well, I guess we'll have to be extra careful then."

"Sam..." There was a warning tone in his voice.

"Jack?" She really studied him for the first time that evening. He looked defeated, as though someone had sucked all of the joy out of his life. Realization suddenly dawned. Her voice was quiet and reflected her disbelief. "You think we should stop seeing each other."

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Look, I've thought of every angle. We just can't risk it. You know what happened to Erica and Reggie. I can't let the same thing happen to you."

Her response was immediate. "I'll quit."

"I tried that already." He pleaded with his eyes, begging her to understand. "Hammond won't accept my resignation. He says he needs us on SG-1 right now, that we're too important to the program."

Sam shook her head. "This is crazy. There has to be some way to make this work." She refused to believe this could be their undoing. "You're really going to let an asshole like Kinsey come between us?"

"It's not permanent, Sam," he replied quietly. But even as he said the words, she could tell he didn't believe them.

Anger surged through her, and she lashed out. "Isn't it? How long then? Until Kinsey's out of office? That could be eight years from now - more, if he's elected President after Hayes." Instead of responding, he just hung his head, which infuriated her further. "Or is it until we defeat the Goa'uld? And when will that happen, Jack? It could be a hundred years from now, for all we know."

"Sam..."

"So that's it, then, you're just giving up." She was breathing harder now, her face flushed.

"Sam..." He reached for her hand, but she snatched it away.

"My god, Jack, did you even _want_ to make this work?"

"Sam!"

But she was on a roll and wasn't about to give an inch. "What the hell have I been to you all this time? Just another piece of ass?"

"That's enough, Major!" he yelled.

That brought her up short. She stared at him for a long moment, then stood and gave him a small salute. "Yes, _sir_." She began walking away.

"Sam, wait..." Jack sounded so despondent that she almost sat back down, but her anger was too great.

She turned to face him one last time. "I think it would be better if you stuck with 'Carter' from now on, sir." Then she strode off toward her car and didn't look back.

She made it two miles down the road before she burst into tears.

**A/N - Yep, you knew it was coming. Buckle up, kids. Things get a little bumpy for awhile, but if you stay with me, I promise the ride will be worth it in the end. Many thanks to MidKnight Rider for the beta. And thanks to all of you who have reviewed, followed, or favorited. I love to hear from you, so let me know what you think.**


	10. Desolation

**A/N - Episode tag to Evolution, with references to Space Race, Avenger 2.0, and Birthright. Rated K+.**

Some experts claim there are five stages of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter ended their romantic relationship, Sam breezed through denial, anger, and bargaining within the first ten minutes. However, the fourth stage, depression, hit her like a ton of bricks, and she was fairly certain she would never get through it.

Following their conversation in the park, Sam had driven home and barricaded herself in her house for two days. She didn't eat, she didn't answer the phone, and she didn't think of anyone other than Jack. By the third day, she had run out of tears to cry, and she decided it was time to pull herself together.

Though she was still grieving, she vowed not to let her ill-fated romance with Jack affect her working relationships. She had already seen what happened when personal matters were brought into the field, and she had no desire to put herself or her team at risk. So, when she arrived at the SGC on Monday morning, she was the picture of cool professionalism with everyone, especially her commanding officer.

Unfortunately, said commanding officer knew her all too well and was immediately suspicious.

He was waiting for her when she left the commissary after breakfast. He matched her stride as she made her way to her lab. "Everything okay, Carter? I've been trying to reach you for the past couple days." In reality, he had tried to call her at least twenty times since their conversation in the park.

"Sorry, sir. I was out of pocket this weekend." She kept walking, keeping her gaze straight ahead.

He turned toward her, struggling to keep up with her pace. "Listen, I was wondering if you were available for lunch. Maybe we could finish our conversation from the other day."

She smiled at him, though it didn't reach her eyes. "That's not necessary, sir. I've considered what you said, and I now think you were absolutely right about the required course of action."

Jack stopped walking, but Sam continued down the hall. "You sure about that, Carter?" he called after her.

"Absolutely, sir," she replied.

She almost believed it.

oOoOoOo

When Sam felt herself slipping toward depression, she coped by looking for distractions. Though there were plenty of those around the SGC, the opportunity to assist Warrick with his race on Hebridan could not have come at a better time. She had grown bored with her usual projects, and she found herself missing Jack so badly it hurt. The race had given her something new to focus on, and for the first time since she and Jack had split up, she was actually excited about her work again.

It was for this reason, Sam suspected, that Hammond had approved the otherwise questionable mission. Jack had his reservations, but he wasn't about to put a stop to something that clearly made her so happy. In the end, she realized it had been slightly reckless, and more than a little dangerous, and exactly what she needed at that moment.

Not long after that, Felger had nearly shut down the entire Stargate network, requiring her to find a solution to the potentially disastrous problem. Later, the team had met Ishta and her Hak'tyl, and Sam's expertise was once again called upon, this time to help negotiate a treaty with the female Jaffa. And when Teal'c and Bra'tac brought back Anubis' super soldier, she and her father had spent hours working to uncover its secrets. It had all served to remind Sam that she was, in fact, needed.

Throughout it all, Sam and Jack had worked side by side, as if nothing had ever happened between them. Still, though, she missed him terribly. And though he never mentioned it, she was fairly certain he felt the same way, even though he kept his distance.

Then Daniel was kidnapped, and everything changed.

All of her distractions immediately became irrelevant, and the respectful distance he'd been keeping from her evaporated completely. It all culminated in a conversation in her lab before he left for Honduras and she for Tartarus, where their unspoken conversation conveyed more emotion than any words could have.

"I'm going after Daniel." _But I don't want to leave you._

"Good." _I'll be okay._

"This other mission..." _Please be careful._

"Shouldn't be a problem, Sir." _I will._ "When do you leave?"

"Now."

"Good luck." _I love you._

You too. _I love you, too._

She had watched him go and realized that her heart had walked out the door with him, that he'd actually had it the entire time. And despite all of her attempts to move on, she was no closer to getting it back.

When she'd made it back alive and mostly uninjured, his relief had been palpable. He'd even asked her to lunch – again – and she wondered if the invitation wasn't some sort of olive branch, a second chance of sorts to mend their broken relationship, even if it could only be platonic.

Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one who'd noticed Jack's attention to her. Much later, when she and her father were alone in her lab, he began the cross-examination.

"You wanna tell me what's going on between you and Jack?"

Sam paused, ever so slightly, in examining Telchak's device. Not taking her eyes off of the machine, she responded to her father's question, but was unable to completely keep the irritation out of her voice. "I don't know what you're talking about, Dad."

Jacob was undeterred. "Well, for starters, he couldn't keep his eyes off of you when we returned from Tartarus."

"He was worried about us." She concentrated on the device.

Jacob stood up and looked at her through narrowed eyes. "Sam, I could have been bleeding out of my ears, and I doubt he would've noticed. He only had eyes for you."

"He's my CO, Dad. He was worried about his subordinate." She continued to fiddle with the machine, hoping that Jacob would take the hint and leave.

"Just your CO, huh?"

"Yes, just my CO." She continued to fiddle.

"Then why are you blushing?"

Sam had had enough. She put the device down, harder than was probably wise, and turned to face Jacob. "Because this is embarrassing. Because I have to put up with crap like this all the time. And the last person I want to discuss my personal life with is my father."

Jacob bowed his head, and when he spoke again, his voice held the now familiar timbre that indicated Selmak had taken over. "Your father is only concerned about your well being, Samantha."

Sam sighed. "I appreciate that Selmak, but you'll just have to trust me when I say that _nothing_ is happening between Colonel O'Neill and me."

He considered that for a moment, and Sam went back to work. After several seconds, Selmak resumed his questioning. "So, is that the problem?"

"Is what the problem?" she asked, exasperated.

He remained unfazed. "That nothing is happening between you and Colonel O'Neill."

"With all due respect, Selmak, I really don't want to have this conversation with you, either." She turned her attention to the device once again.

Jacob's voice was back and softer now, all humor gone. "I'm just worried about you, Sammie."

She looked at him and gave him a small smile. "I'm fine, Dad. Really."

Jacob made his way toward the door. At the last minute, he turned back into the room with a half smile on his face. "You'll let me know if you want me to kick his ass?"

She gave him one last wry look and shook her head. Finally, he left. She sighed. Ever since his blending with Selmak, her father had been more attuned to her emotional state. She didn't know whether to be thankful or annoyed.

Regardless, though, her father's – or Selmak's – instincts were frighteningly accurate. He'd picked up on the fact that she was right back where she started with Jack. Thinking of him. Loving him. Unable to be with him.

And, of course, heartbroken.

**A/N - the quoted dialogue between Jack and Sam in the second part of the story is taken directly from Evolution, Part 2 (and thus not mine). It's one of my favorite scenes in the series. It amazes me how much emotion the actors were able to put into seven short lines of script. **

**Thanks as always to MidKnight Rider for the beta.**


	11. Misconstruction

**A/N - Episode tag to Grace. Rated T. With thanks to MidKnight Rider for the beta.**

She lay in the infirmary bed, listening to the beeping and humming of the assorted medical machinery. Four days! She couldn't believe she had been out that long.

The trip had been a disaster, but she supposed it was karma. Though the nebula had held some interest, she had really only accepted Ronson's offer to accompany the crew of the Prometheus back to Earth because she needed some space to think about her life and career. On that count, she got more than she bargained for. One thing was certain: she had confirmed that she had no desire to leave SG-1 to serve with Colonel Ronson, even if it meant coming to terms with her feelings for her commanding officer.

Jack. He had been waiting for her when she woke up and had been surprised when she called him by name. She supposed that was due to the fact that they had been "sir" and "Carter" ever since their break up. He had corrected her, but not unkindly. She wondered how long he'd been sitting there, and what had been going through his mind.

She sighed. No matter. She had come to certain conclusions regarding their relationship, and she was determined now to stop mooning over him like some school girl. It was time to move on, to reclaim her life. She planned to tell him, just as soon as she was released from the infirmary. She smiled to herself, knowing he'd be relieved.

oOoOoOo

The moment the call came that the Prometheus had been found, it was as if he was finally able to breathe after days of being under water. When she came through the wormhole, injured and unconscious, he felt as though he'd immediately been thrust back under.

He'd sat by her side for nearly four days straight. It took an order from Hammond to get him to leave for a shower, some food, and a quick nap, but then he'd gone right back to the infirmary. After the third day, Hammond gave up all further attempts to make him leave.

He'd had a long time to think while he was waiting for her to wake up. Some of his thoughts were about the different ways he could kill Ronson, but most were about her, about their relationship. He'd known when she requested the mission that she was running away. Part of him wondered whether it wasn't also to punish him or teach him a lesson. Well, he thought, mission accomplished.

He knew that he never wanted to live without her. She was the only thing that mattered. He realized that now. Screw Kinsey. He'd leave his position if he had to, and if that didn't work, well hell, he couldn't think of a better use for his Black Ops training. They'd make it work somehow. As long as they were together, the rest was just details.

He'd been caught off guard when she'd called him by his first name. Though he'd corrected her, he thought there was a good chance the slip meant she'd been thinking about their relationship, too. He hoped to hell it meant she'd be receptive to the idea of picking up where they left off.

He took a breath. Either way, he was about to find out. She had asked him to give her a ride home, and she'd just been discharged from the infirmary.

oOoOoOo

They rode in tense silence most of the way to her house. When he pulled up in her driveway, he turned off the engine and shifted in his seat to face her, only to find that she had done the same.

"Sir…" she began.

"Look, Sam…" he said at the same time. They smiled at each other. "You first," he said softly.

She took a deep breath, gathering her courage. "I, uh…I just wanted to say that I had a lot of time to think about things when I was alone on the ship." She paused, and he looked at her encouragingly. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay." He furrowed his brow a bit, confused. "I thought about it, about us…a lot, and even though I didn't think so at first, I now believe that the decision to stop seeing each other was the right one."

What? He was dumbfounded. It must have shown on his face, because she started talking again, faster this time.

"I mean, it would never work between us, in the long run, right? I can see that now. We both have our careers, and the SGC needs us, and neither of us wants to give up SG-1….It just wouldn't work out. So, I wanted to let you know that it's okay; I'm okay. I finally feel like I've moved on."

It took a moment before he realized that she was waiting for him to respond. His thoughts were in turmoil, but his survival instincts must have kicked in because he heard himself say, "That's…that's great, Carter. Good to know."

She smiled at him again and opened the door. "Thanks for ride home, sir." She grabbed her bag and hopped out of the truck. "See you tomorrow." He watched as she walked across the lawn and into the house, closing the front door behind her.

And that's when he knew that even though she had returned to him, he had truly lost her after all.


	12. Dedication

**A/N - Takes place during Death Knell. Rated K+. With thanks as always to MidKnight Rider for the beta.**

Jacob Carter was in bad shape, and Jack knew he couldn't leave him, but waiting for SG21 to arrive to take him back to the SGC was killing him. Every minute that passed, Sam's chances of survival diminished. It took all of his special forces training to effectively suppress the rising sense of panic he'd felt since Reynolds had reported that she was not among the group of survivors they'd found.

He'd just seen the other team emerging from the brush on the other side of the field, when he felt someone grab his leg. He looked down to find Jacob trying to pull himself up. He knelt down next to the older man and saw the same barely restrained panic in his eyes. "Whoa, stay still, Jacob. SG21 is on their way."

"You have to find her, Jack." He winced, in obvious pain.

Jack's response was solemn. "I will."

"I know…I know you will." Jacob eased himself back down. "Because I know how you feel about her."

Jack's gaze snapped to his, but he couldn't bear the intensity of it. He looked away and shook his head. "Jacob…" Jack replied, his voice a warning.

He wondered just how much Jacob did know. He felt certain he would be a dead man if Jacob had ever found out about their physical relationship. But could he see that he loved her and how much he regretted never telling her before she decided to give up on them?

Jacob's voice brought his thoughts back to the situation at hand. It was obvious he was growing weaker, but he grasped Jack's forearm with surprising strength. "Just bring her back to me, Jack. Bring back my little girl."

Daniel looked at Jack. "You and Teal'c go. I'll wait with him."

Jack nodded and clasped Daniel on the shoulder as he stood up, thankful for his friend's understanding. He knew Daniel wanted to look for Sam, too, but recognized that he and Teal'c would be faster without him.

Jack turned to face Sam's father. "I'll find her, Jacob. I promise."

oOoOoOo

Fortunately, they _had_ found her and not a moment too soon. But now that they'd taken out the super soldier, Jack didn't know what to do. Sam was in rough shape but very much alive, and his relief was nearly overwhelming. His first instinct was to pull her to him and never let go. He immediately thought better of it. She had, after all, announced that she was moving on. In fact, she'd gone out and found herself a brand new boyfriend not five minutes after making said announcement.

The worst part was that it was some goofy cop, who clearly had a hard time staying out of her business. Still, Jack supposed he was good looking enough, and young, and he probably had two good knees, and above all else, he wasn't her superior officer. Apparently, he was even hum-worthy. Had Sam ever hummed when they were together? He didn't think so, and he didn't want to think about what that meant. Most importantly, she seemed happy to be with him. And he _really_ didn't want to think about that.

She wasn't happy now, though. In fact, she looked like she might cry. Not that he could blame her. She'd just been chased all over the Alpha site by an indestructible automaton that had nearly killed her, and she was too tired to try to make it back to the 'gate. He watched as she sat on the ground, bleeding and exhausted.

He sat down next to her and still didn't know what to do. Would she resent it if he held her? Would she think he was an ass if he didn't? Goddammit, when did things get so complicated? To hell with it, he thought.

"C'mere," he said finally and was ridiculously relieved when she put her head on his shoulder. He draped an arm around her, like a friend might. Yeah, right, a friend.

Within moments, though, she turned her face into his chest and started crying quietly. He felt his heart clench, knowing what it took for her to break down in the field. He bent his head toward hers. "It's okay," he whispered.

"Thank you," she whispered back.

"For what?" he asked.

"For being here."

He thought about that for a moment, unsure of what she meant. Then he gave her the only answer he could think of. "Always."


	13. Desperation

**A/N - Takes place immediately after Heroes, Part 2. Rated M, for intense sexual situations and extreme angst.**

He knew it was a mistake the moment the words came out of his mouth. But she'd looked at him with those big blue eyes filled with - what? Regret? Desire? Fear? He wasn't sure, but it had been all he could do not to kiss her senseless right there in the middle of the SGC infirmary. So instead, he'd taken her into his arms, and it had been so long and felt so good. And as he'd buried his face in her neck and was overwhelmed with her scent, it brought back everything he'd been trying so hard to forget about how right they had been together.

"I could use a ride home," he said softly, when they finally broke apart.

She nodded, and he followed her out of the base, stopping only long enough for her to change into a skirt and blouse. They hadn't said a word on the way to his house, but when she pulled in his driveway and he got out of the car, she shut off the engine and walked into the house behind him.

He hadn't even closed the door completely when she was in his arms again, but this time she pressed the full length of her body against his and kissed him, her lips soft and wet on his mouth. For a split second, he was frozen with shock - he'd assumed that she would want to talk, but he'd never expected her do this. Immediately, the thoughts _this is wrong_ and _she's with someone else_ ran through his mind, but they were quickly silenced by the sheer force of overwhelming desire.

He may have consciously been able to repress his memories of being with her, but his body had not forgotten for one moment the effect she had on him. Within seconds he was rock hard and had her pressed to the wall, grinding his hips into hers. She moaned at the contact, meeting him thrust for thrust. With one hand, he held her face while he kissed her, his tongue moving in rhythm with his pelvis. With the other, he began lifting her shirt over her head. Within seconds it was on the floor, and he immediately pushed her bra up to expose her breasts. He palmed one with his hand, while he moved his lips to the other, sucking and rolling her nipple with his tongue.

She moaned again, and he felt it in his groin. He needed her, now, and based on her reaction to him, her need was equally urgent. She was already fumbling with his fly, but he brushed her hands away and undid it himself, pushing his pants and boxers down around his ankles. He moved his hands to her hips, up under her skirt, and quickly pulled her panties down and off. Pushing her skirt up, he cupped her six and lifted her up, using the wall as leverage.

By now, he was panting, mostly from desire but also from the strain on his injured abdomen. The wisdom of engaging in such activities in light of his wound was questionable at best, but he was far from logical thought at that point. He positioned himself at her entrance and risked a look at her face. She, too, was panting, and he saw a mixture of desire and apprehension written on her features.

He entered her in one swift move, and she yelped. Whether it was a cry of pain or pleasure, he couldn't be certain, though based on the way she wrapped her legs around him and began moving against him, he was fairly sure that she was as caught up in their actions as he. God, but she was warm and wet and tight, and he moaned as he began thrusting inside of her, each movement harder than the last. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was rapidly losing control, unable to slow down and allow her to catch up. All he could think was that he had to claim her completely. She was his, she had always been his, and she always would be his.

He'd known he was a dead man the moment that staff blast hit him. As he lay there dying, all he could think of was her. He had more than one regret over the course of his life, but the only thought going through his mind as his vision began to fade to black was that he would never be able to hold her again. But then he'd returned from the dead, and he'd realized that even though he was going to live, she still wasn't his to hold. Yet, inexplicably, here she was, joined to him now, body and soul.

More quickly than he thought possible at his age, he could feel the tension building unbearably in his groin, and he knew he was close. He continued to thrust into her relentlessly, and she moaned with each movement. They had had sex in almost every conceivable position over the course of their relationship, but he'd never been this rough or this fast. He had no idea if she liked it that way or not, and he knew he should have considered it long before that point. But it was too late now, as he felt himself coming, hard, wave after wave of ecstasy rippling through him.

As he began to slow his movements and come down from his high, he felt her tighten around him, and suddenly she threw her head back and cried out as she came. Though he was completely spent, he continued to move against her, allowing her to ride out her orgasm on his softening cock.

After, he held her for a long moment. He stayed inside of her with her legs wrapped around him and her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair and waited for her to move or to say something, anything. "Hey," he finally said softly.

She looked up at him, and he felt a pain lance his heart at the sight of tears streaming down her face. "God, Sam, did I hurt you?" He eased out of her and set her on the ground, and she immediately began straightening her clothes.

"No," she said quietly, searching the floor for her things. "No, of course not."

He pulled his pants up and caught her arm as she turned toward the door. "You're leaving?"

She turned her head over her shoulder but refused to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry. I...I have to go."

"Sam..." he said and tried without success to keep the desperation out of his voice.

"I have to go, Jack. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." She chanced a look into his eyes, then quickly looked away, opening the door. "This was a mistake."

"Sam...please," he said again, but by then she was out the door and halfway to her car.

He watched her as she drove off, then slowly shut his front door. As he turned to move out of the entry, he noticed spots of blood dotting the marble floor. He lifted his shirt and saw that he was bleeding through his bandages. But whether it was from the wound made by the staff blast or the hole that Samantha Carter had just left in his heart, he couldn't be sure.


	14. Intrusion

**A/N - I took a break from this series for awhile, but I am now committed to making my way through Season 8 from now through the month of December. Thanks on this and all future chapters to MidKnight Rider for the beta. **

**Takes place during the events of New Order. Rated T.**

She had always done what she was supposed to do, what was expected of her. Despite their somewhat estranged relationship, she had followed in her father's footsteps, enrolling in the Air Force Academy, majoring in astrophysics, and graduating at the top of her class. She quickly became both a decorated pilot and the foremost expert on Earth's Stargate program, ultimately serving on its flagship team.

She was able to do these things because she had an extremely logical mind and a high degree of self discipline. That self discipline had served her well over the course of her military career. Just as it had served him.

_But then she had almost died, and his self discipline failed him._

She was never supposed to sleep with him. She knew when it began that it was illogical to engage in a relationship with a superior officer. So they had terminated their affair, and it had been painful, but through the exercise of that same self discipline upon which she had so heavily relied over the course of her short life, she had resolved to move on. After all, that was what she was supposed to do. She had found a nice man, and that was also what she was supposed to do. Her world was logical again.

_But then he had almost died, and her self discipline failed her._

She was never supposed to go to his house, never supposed to fall into his arms, never supposed to make love to him with unrestrained passion not two steps inside his front door. She was never, ever supposed to let emotion override logic.

She knew immediately she had made a mistake that necessitated correction. So she put as much distance between them as possible until she was certain she could rely on her self discipline once again. That had been painful too, perhaps as much for him as for her.

She didn't tell the nice man. She didn't tell him because she knew that if she simply exercised the requisite degree of self discipline, she could fall in love with the nice man instead, which, of course, was what she was supposed to do. And there was no need to hurt the nice man. It wouldn't be logical.

_But then he was dying, and she felt her self discipline slipping yet again. _

She was never supposed to go to his house, especially considering things between them had been strained since she had left him bleeding on his doorstep. It wasn't logical to want to confess her feelings for him, especially since she was with the nice man now.

And yet, as though fate itself recognized the ill-advised nature of her plan, she was prevented from carrying it out - first by the unexpected arrival of her teammates, and much later by her commanding officer himself who, though he appeared to be losing his mind, professed that somehow he already knew.

His reaction left her confused and frustrated, so she resolved to put her feelings for him aside and concentrate on the task at hand - saving her planet. Relying once again on her extreme self discipline, she pushed thoughts of his deteriorating health to the back of her mind and, with the help of her team, accomplished the goal.

_But then he died, or at least seemingly so, and her self discipline shattered into a million jagged pieces, like ice dropped on the hard surface of the chamber in which he'd been entombed._

For days she lived with the unbearable pain of losing him. No one could ease her suffering - not her supervisor, not her teammates, and especially not the nice man. The only thing that gave her hope was the thought that somehow she might be able to save him. So she abandoned self discipline, she abandoned logic, and she refused to do what she was supposed to do.

And that, of course, was what had brought her here.

...

Fifth withdrew his hand from Samantha Carter's head and watched dispassionately as she fell to the floor weeping. He cocked his head slightly to one side as he considered what he had learned from probing her mind.

She wasn't supposed to love her commanding officer. Doing so demonstrated a complete lack of self discipline. It was painful to love him, and it defied logic to desire pain. Fifth understood that.

Fifth also knew that, like him, she valued logic and self discipline perhaps above all else. He knew that, ultimately, she would always do what she was supposed to do, what was expected of her. Fifth understood that, too.

So when he pulled Samantha Carter up off the floor and inserted his hand back into her head, Fifth knew exactly which identity he needed to assume.

It was the only logical choice.


	15. Resignation

**A/N - Episode tag to Zero Hour. Rated T**

Jack walked into his office and sat down heavily in his chair. It had been a tiring day, but all in all things had gone well with the President's visit, lack of appropriate bunting aside.

He picked up the piece of paper lying on top of his desk - his letter to Hammond. He'd forgotten he'd left it there. He started to throw it away when he stopped short, the events of the past several days replaying in his mind's eye.

God, it had been a disastrous week, with one crisis following another - the alien plant, the Amran delegates, the booby trapped ZPM, but most of all the disappearance of his flagship team, reportedly at the hands of Ba'al. The thought that Ba'al had captured his team, and especially Sam, had literally made him sick to his stomach.

He didn't think he had ever spoken about his feelings for her while Ba'al was busy boring acid-laced holes in his body, but he couldn't be sure. There was much about that time that he couldn't remember. Of course, even if he hadn't said anything then, Ba'al was no fool; he had to know that she was special to him, if for no other reason than she was his second in command.

Remnants of Kanan's memories still drifted through Jack's subconscious. At some point, Shallan must have told Kanan what Ba'al did to her, because Jack had several graphic and disturbing images of the two of them together in his mind. It wasn't a far stretch to imagine Sam in Shallan's place. Though Jack had never told anyone, he suspected that the fact Shallan looked so much like Sam was one of the reasons Kanan, through Jack's influence, had felt compelled to go back for her. If Ba'al made the same connection...

What Ba'al did to him was bad enough, but the thought of what he might do to a woman - _Jack's_ woman - made his blood run cold. Ba'al would like nothing better than to take his hatred of Jack out on Sam, using her for whatever sick and twisted fantasies he might be able to conjure, taking her apart piece by piece, mentally and physically, until he finally killed her - only to resurrect her for the purpose of experiencing the same pain and torture all over again.

Surely Ba'al knew that such actions would destroy Jack far more effectively than his knives and little vials of acid ever could. Of course he knew. That was what he'd been counting on when he'd made his demand for Camulus. And that was the reason Jack had made the decision to leave the SGC - because he couldn't remain commander of the base and go after her. If all else failed, that was exactly what he had planned to do.

Fortunately, it hadn't come to that. Daniel had told him that she thought he didn't have faith in her abilities to lead the team, that he didn't trust her. Yet in the end, she had done exactly what she was trained to do, and her team had made it home safe and sound.

But then, the problem had never been that he didn't trust her. The problem was that he didn't trust himself.

He was having a hard enough time letting her go emotionally. But to let her physically go? That was proving nearly impossible. Even after all that had happened, she still had his heart. She always would. How could he let her walk through the 'gate with it, to another planet, with god knows what dangers, without him there to help guard it?

No, the truth was, he didn't trust himself not to barrel through the 'gate after her at the first sign of trouble. But he wasn't supposed to do that now, and it was almost enough to cause him to give it all up. If she hadn't come back to him when she had, he would have.

Jack laid the letter on his desk and smoothed out the wrinkles. He opened the bottom right hand drawer and placed it inside - just in case. Because in the end, no number of stars on his shoulders could ever make up for losing her, even if she wasn't really his anymore.


	16. Justification

**A/N – Tag to Affinity. Rated T.**

The bar at O'Malley's was crowded, and it took a moment for Sam to locate Daniel and Teal'c. After looking around the place twice, she finally spotted them in the back corner booth. They both appeared less than excited to be there. It had been a rough day, but Pete had insisted on meeting for a drink, and her teammates had reluctantly agreed. Sam suspected they had done so for her sake, more than his.

Sam sighed. It really wasn't Pete's fault that he couldn't appreciate the full ramifications of what had happened today. The fact that the Trust had successfully coerced an Ancient translation out of Daniel could not be a good thing, and on top of everything else, Teal'c would probably have to move back to the base. It was no wonder they seemed somewhat morose.

She approached the two warily and sat down next to Teal'c, who inclined his head. Daniel gave her a weak smile from across the table. "We were starting to think you weren't going to make it," he said.

"It took us awhile to get here." She offered a small smile and shrugged. "Traffic."

In reality, she and Pete had been sitting in the parking lot for a good twenty minutes, with Sam trying to justify why she didn't want to break the news of their engagement to the team just yet. Pete was having none of it, and she couldn't really think up a good argument for waiting. Of course, the real reason for her hesitation was her reluctance to tell Jack, but that was something Pete would never understand.

Daniel looked out into the bar, and Sam could swear his face brightened a bit. "So where's Pete?"

"Um," she looked over toward the entrance and pointed in Pete's direction as she caught sight of him making his way to their table. "He's coming. He stopped by the men's room."

Sam studied her friend's face and noticed that whatever light had been there a moment ago was gone now. Before she had time to consider what that might mean, Pete walked up to the table, a veritable bundle of energy.

"Hey guys! Did she tell you?" He paused briefly for dramatic effect, as Daniel and Teal'c looked up at him with mild interest. "She said yes!"

Sam furrowed her brow. Despite their argument in the car, she thought they'd agreed to wait to make the announcement. "Pete...," she began, her voice a warning.

But Pete was all grins. "Sorry babe, I'm just so excited. Listen, the drinks are on me. Beers?" Before any of them had a chance to respond, Pete turned and walked toward the bar.

Daniel cleared his throat. "Well, um, congratulations."

"Thanks," she replied quietly.

"Have you informed O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

Sam sighed and looked at her hands. "Not yet."

Teal'c and Daniel exchanged a look. Daniel leaned across the table. "Listen, Sam, don't take this the wrong way, but you don't seem...I don't know...happy?"

Her head snapped up. "I'm happy," she said defiantly. "I am. It's just a little overwhelming, you know..."

At that moment, Pete returned, juggling four beers. "Here you go," he said cheerily, completely oblivious to the mood at the table. "How 'bout a toast? " He raised his bottle in the air. "To my beautiful bride to be!"

Sam raised her bottle with the others, but as Pete sat down and began regaling Daniel and Teal'c with the story of his proposal and her acceptance, her mind wandered to thoughts of her commanding officer, and specifically to their conversation in her lab a few days ago.

She had shown Jack the engagement ring, in part because he'd asked, and in part because she'd wanted to gauge his reaction. He'd been shocked - that much was clear - but otherwise impossible to read. Frustrated with his carefully chosen words, she had decided to put it all on the line and pose the one question she had wanted to ask all along, the question about what might have been between the two of them.

"_What about you?" _she'd asked._ "If things had been different..."_

He'd paused and looked up at her sharply._ "I wouldn't be here."_

She still didn't know what he meant by that. She'd spent the next three days trying to work it out, going so far as to ask Pete for more time to think about the proposal. In the end, she'd concluded that it simply didn't matter. They were no longer together, and they never would be. She had already decided to move on, so it was high time she did so.

There was no denying that her relationship with Jack had been the most passionate of her life. But it was like a muzzle flash – fiery and exciting but over in an instant. She knew that long term relationships, marriages, weren't made of such things, that they thrived on a slow burn. And that was what she had with Pete.

He was a nice man, and he adored her. If she wasn't awed by him, if her heart didn't leap every time he walked into the room, if his touch didn't instantly elicit an insatiable need, well, that was okay because no one really ever had that forever anyway. And even though she never had the same mind-blowing sex with Pete that she'd had with Jack, what he lacked in originality he made up for in attentiveness.

No, having a relationship with her commanding officer had been a bad idea from the beginning. She had momentarily lost her self control with Jack, but things were back to normal now. Choosing Pete as her long term partner was the logical decision. So today, she'd done what she was supposed to have done more than two weeks ago and finally said yes.

oOoOoOo

It was quiet at the SGC, with just a few teams off world and most of the other personnel already home for the evening. Jack sat at his desk sorting through the mound of paperwork that had been generated by yesterday's run-in with the Trust. He sighed. He was really not looking forward to dealing with the ramifications of all that had transpired, but he was especially dreading having to tell Teal'c that he was no longer going to be permitted to live off base.

So caught up in his thoughts was he, Jack didn't notice Daniel standing in his doorway until he spoke.

"Hey," he said quietly.

Jack looked up, somewhat surprised that anyone was still around. "Hey."

Daniel walked in, closing the door behind him. He pulled up a chair and sat. "You heard?" he asked, leaning back.

Jack looked back down at his desk and shuffled some papers. "About what?" He glanced up when Daniel didn't respond, only to see the archeologist looking at him with an exasperated expression.

Jack sighed. "It's her life, Daniel."

"It's a mistake, Jack. You know that as well as I do."

"Is it?" he asked with a furrowed brow. "Is it a mistake to want a normal life? She deserves to be happy."

"She was happy with you."

Silence descended between the two, and Jack looked back down at his desk and began studying his papers in earnest. After a long moment, Daniel continued, a slight edge to his voice now. "So that's it, then. You're just giving up?"

"There's nothing to give up, Daniel," he replied, harshly. "What we had...it's over. I'm happy for her."

"Is it over, Jack?" Daniel snapped, taking the military man by surprise. "Because for two people who keep professing to be happy, you both seem pretty miserable."

With that, Daniel got up and left, pulling the door to the office closed behind him. Jack stared after him for a moment, his thoughts drifting back to the conversation he'd had with Sam after she'd shown him the ring.

He'd been stunned to learn that she was considering marrying another man. But clearly she had moved on, and he was not about to interfere with her opportunity to have a life. So despite the fact that he felt his heart break into a million tiny pieces, he'd sucked it up and played nice throughout their conversation, at least until the very end.

She'd asked him then what might have happened if things had been different between the two of them. In the blink of an eye, a million responses flew through his mind, mostly involving a confession of his undying love for her. Ultimately, though, he'd decided that the answer was something she needed to figure out for herself, so he'd opted for the less obvious approach.

"_I wouldn't be here,"_ he'd told her. At least, that's what he'd said. But what he meant was that he would gladly give it all up – his rank, the SGC, hell, the whole damn military – for the chance to spend the rest of his life with her.

TBC…

**A/N – Like most shippers, I detest this episode, not only because Sam apparently lost her mind and agreed to marry Pete (behind an SUV, during an op, after he proposed on a park bench, while eating hot dogs, having dated her for approximately two seconds – but I digress), but because I could not make heads or tails out of the exchange between Jack and Sam when she showed him the ring. **

**Many people think she was asking Jack what he would have done if he still had his family, but that is so cold and out of character for Sam, I refuse to believe it. So, I have employed my theory here, which fits better with the story anyway. **

**Regardless, I'd love to hear your thoughts, both on the chapter and the referenced exchange. And while I'm at it, I'll take this opportunity to thank all of you who have stuck with the story thus far. I promise it will all be worth it in the end!**


	17. Reflection

**A/N - Tag to Gemini. Rated T.**

She woke with a start, sitting straight up in bed. Pete stirred next to her, but simply rolled over and snored, and Sam let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Though she couldn't remember the details, her dream had left her in no mood to fend off his advances again tonight. His attempt to seduce her earlier that evening had met with a frosty response, and he had finally stomped off into the bathroom, presumably to work out his frustrations himself. By the time he'd returned to their bed, Sam was already pretending to be fast asleep.

Now she quietly slipped out from under the covers and shuffled across her bedroom floor to the bathroom. She closed the door and decided against turning on the light - the moonlight streaming through the small window provided sufficient illumination, and she didn't want to risk waking Pete. She stood at the sink a moment, then turned on the faucet. With trembling hands, she splashed some of the cold water on her face and tried to remember what about her dream had shaken her so badly. When she lifted her head and looked in the mirror, it hit her instantly.

_"I know what you know. I feel what you feel."_

The words of her doppelgänger ran through her mind.

The Replicator had told her that she was a reflection of her true self. And when they were in her mind together, she had forced her to face those things she had hidden from herself.

_"You're limited by your own fears. You play by the rules, you do as you're told, and you deny yourself your own desires."_

She had shown Sam how Fifth tried to break her, forcing her to kill her friends, over and over again, and how it had taken several attempts before she would fire the bullet that killed Jack.

Fifth thought that was the point at which she had finally transformed into the woman he wanted her to be. Of course, he couldn't have known that the transformation had actually taken place long before then and had resulted in something else entirely, something Fifth never expected.

_"You deny yourself your own desires."_

Sam had told the others that Fifth had taught the Replicator betrayal and that he had learned it from Sam. But she was wrong. The truth was, the Replicator already knew what betrayal was, and she had learned it from Sam directly, long before Fifth began his mind games.

She looked down at the ring on her left hand.

_ "I am what I am because of you."_

Jack had tried to assure her that she and the Replicator weren't the same person, that it wasn't her fault that she was now armed with everything she needed to destroy them all. Sam knew that was bullshit the moment he spoke the words.

She eased herself down onto the bathroom floor and noticed for the first time how the moonlight had transformed the normally bright room into a dark blue-gray space. In the dim light, she could almost discern an endless pattern of replicator blocks spreading across the floor and up the walls, surrounding her. She sat there unmoving for a long while, until the cold tile began seeping through the thin fabric of her pajamas and ultimately under her skin.

She placed her head in her hands and wept.


	18. Distraction

**A/N - Tag to It's Good to Be King. Takes place between the time Jack and Sam blow up Ares' ship and when they leave Maybourne's planet. Rated K+. With many thanks as always to MidKnight Rider for the beta.**

Sam watched as Ares' ship broke into a million pieces in one final, gigantic explosion that rocked the small craft they were flying. Jack, who up to that point had remained somewhat staid, unexpectedly let out a loud whoop and pumped his fist in the air.

"Yes! Take that, you snaky bastard!" He turned to look at her, grinning widely. "Whaddaya think, Carter - just like old times, huh? You, me, kicking Goa'uld ass...God, I miss this, Carter, I really do."

Sam felt her heart leap at the way he was smiling at her. She couldn't remember the last time he looked at her with such joy. As he turned his attention to piloting the craft back to the surface of the planet, she wondered for a moment if his words might hold a double meaning. She quickly dismissed the notion as wishful thinking. That stage of their relationship was over. He was simply excited to be back in the field. Still, she couldn't prevent a deep sense of nostalgia from welling up inside of her.

"Me too, sir," she replied softly, her voice catching a bit as she spoke the words.

By the time they returned to the village, the celebration was in full swing. As it turned out, Harry Maybourne and his subjects, helped in no small part by the other half of SG-1, had handily defeated Ares' Jaffa on the ground. Having seen the explosion in the sky, they knew immediately the Goa'uld threat was eradicated, so when Jack and Sam walked into the square, they were greeted by music and dancing and laughter.

Much to Jack's dismay, Harry actually walked up and kissed him on both cheeks, before handing him a great tankard of ale. The stunned expression on Jack's face caused Sam to erupt in an uncontrollable fit of the giggles, which earned her a stern look from her commanding officer.

Daniel and Teal'c quickly found them, and at Harry's insistence, they ultimately agreed to spend the night on the planet, though Jack did a fine job of protesting long and hard before finally capitulating to Harry's demands. Soon, the team was celebrating with the rest of the villagers as if they belonged there.

It wasn't long, however, before Sam's attention was drawn to the Ancient craft Jack had set down on a small hill a short distance from the village. The thought that it might be able to travel through both space _and_ time fascinated her. She had to know how it worked and could see no reason to wait until they delivered it to the SGC.

Her mind made up, she quietly slipped away from the party and climbed to the top of the rise. When she reached the peak, she edged around to the back of the ship and hit the button that opened hatch.

As she began to dissemble the control panel on the time device, her thoughts drifted back to her conversation with Jack in the spacecraft earlier that day. Once again, she considered whether her commanding officer missed more than just their missions together. She sighed. Regardless, she was beginning to realize that she had been longing for his company, and that was a dangerous sentiment for a woman engaged to another man.

She didn't notice her commanding officer walk up behind her until his voice broke the silence of the night. "Mind if I join you?"

She jumped a bit, momentarily startled by his interruption. "How did you find me?"

"Come on, Carter. You've got a brand new, shiny doohicky just sitting here calling your name." He quirked a smile at her. "The moment I realized you weren't at the party, I knew _exactly_ where you were."

She ducked her head and averted his gaze. Of course, he knew where she was. He knew her better than anyone. Better, even, than...She quickly turned her attention back to the control panel, refusing to finish that thought.

He situated himself in the pilot's chair, then leaned back with his hands interlaced behind his head, taking in the beauty of the starlit landscape outside of the viewport. "Wow. This is...amazing. And so very, very wrong."

Sam had no idea to what he was referring. She looked up from the now partially dissembled time machine. "Sir?"

"Of all people...Maybourne doesn't deserve this." He gestured toward the window. "Any of this – this planet, his monarchy, the women...I mean, really, where's karma when you need it?" When she didn't say anything, he looked behind him, only to find her staring down at her hands. "Everything okay, Carter?"

"Yes, sir," she replied immediately without thought, lifting her head to meet his gaze. But when he just continued to stare at her, she shook her head and sighed. "No, sir." As he kept looking at her, now with a furrowed brow, she closed her eyes in resignation. "I don't know," she said quietly, her voice breaking a little for the second time that day.

Still he didn't say anything. She fought the urge to tell him everything – how much she missed him, how she was having second thoughts about her engagement to Pete, how somewhere, deep down, she knew he was the only man for her. But he just sat there waiting patiently for her to continue, so finally she took a deep breath and attempted to explain what she was feeling.

"It's just...I don't..." She searched for the words that would adequately articulate her thoughts but quickly became frustrated when they refused to come. She hammered her fist onto the control panel, causing the tiny pieces she had removed to jump. "Ugh! I just can't think!"

He shrugged and turned his gaze back to the view outside the window. "Maybe that's the problem, Carter. Maybe you think too much."

They sat in silence for a long while, until Sam finally looked upwards in an attempt to prevent her tears from falling. The movement drew Jack's attention, and when he looked at her again, he was genuinely surprised to see her crying.

"Hey," he said softly.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Sorry, sir. It's just been a rough couple of months, you know?"

He looked out over the dark countryside. "Yeah," he replied and blew out a breath. "I know." He stood suddenly, crossed the short distance to where she was working, and held his hand out to her. "C'mere."

She hesitated only for a second before she took it. He quickly pulled her to her to him and wrapped one arm around her waist. "Don't think," he whispered in her ear. Then he caught her free hand in his and began to move with her in time to the music that was drifting up from the village down below.

They danced slowly, Jack holding her tightly to him, and Sam closed her eyes and allowed herself to settle comfortably into his embrace. Within moments, she was overwhelmed with his masculine scent, the feel of his firm chest beneath her hand, his warm breath on her cheek.

Before she lost herself completely, he spun her around, causing her to laugh. As the music came to an end, he dipped her low. He brought her up slowly, and when she looked into his eyes, the intensity of his gaze caused her breath to hitch.

Time seemed to stand still. Sam wasn't sure how long they stood staring at one another before Jack finally raised his palm to cup her face. As his fingers brushed her cheek, he began to lower his face to hers. She closed her eyes and leaned in to meet him half way, her heart nearly pounding out of her chest.

This! This was what she had been missing all these months! The way he touched her sent a thrill straight through her core. Longing and anticipation mingled with excitement and desire. All she could think of was him – how much she wanted him; how she wouldn't be complete without him.

Just as his lips were about to touch hers, a grating voice sounded from behind the spacecraft, causing them to jump apart.

"Jack! There you are!" As Harry poked his head into the open hatch, he craned his neck to get a better look at the couple still standing closely together. "Oh. Sorry," he said, though he sounded nothing of the sort. "Was I, um, interrupting something?"

Though Harry's eyebrows had nearly crawled to the back of his head, Jack ignored him, his complete attention on Sam. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she replied, giving him a small smile. "I think I am."

Harry inclined his head in the direction of the village, and reluctantly Jack and Sam turned to follow him back to the party. Before they reached the bottom of the hill, though, Jack grasped Sam's hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

It was a long time before she let it go.


	19. Diversion

**A/N - Because it's Christmas (and this is short), I'm posting two tags today. This one picks up immediately after the events of Reckoning, Part 2. Rated T.**

He gazed after Samantha Carter as she walked out of his office. He sighed. Even though they'd become closer since the trip to Maybourne's planet, as far as he knew she was still engaged to the cop, the date for their wedding still set.

He knew he shouldn't have tried to kiss her, but he just couldn't help himself. At the time, she'd seemed more than willing. It reminded him of all those years together, before they began their romantic relationship, when they'd wanted each other so desperately it hurt. When they'd held entire conversations with a single glance. When they'd flirted with the line but didn't dare cross it, knowing they would be treading into forbidden territory.

Though things had cooled since their encounter in the spacecraft, and their relationship was still not what he wanted, at least it was better. They were talking again. Friends, if you will. In fact, he'd been on the verge of asking her over for breakfast just a few days ago, before Joe Spencer had barged into his kitchen wielding his fake gun.

He sighed again. He'd had some vague notion that maybe she was tired of the cop, that they could somehow start over. But he was just deluding himself. She was engaged to another man, and in any event, there was no way they could be romantically involved now. He wasn't just her commanding officer anymore; he was commander of the entire SGC.

No, he supposed he should just accept that they would never be anything other than friends from this point forward and that it was time to move on. It sure as hell would help if she'd stop wearing those damn sleeveless black tees. He shook his head to clear it of the image that thought conjured.

He thought back on their conversation just moments before. She'd been worried about Daniel, and with good reason, but he'd shut her down. The fact was that he didn't want to acknowledge that something bad might have happened to his friend. Still, he shouldn't have dismissed her concerns. She dealt with things differently than he did, and if she wanted to talk about it, then as her commanding officer, she deserved to have him hear her out.

He got up from his chair with the intention of going to find her. He had just walked out of his office, when he ran right into the new CIA agent who was here investigating the Kinsey matter.

"General," she said by way of greeting.

He stopped short. "Ah, yes, Agent..." Damn, he was no good at names.

"You can call me Kerry," she said quickly, and he could have sworn she winked at him.

He cleared his throat. "Ah, yes. Is there anything I can do for you, Agent Kerry?"

She smiled. "Well, I was just getting ready to leave in search of a meal that doesn't come on a plastic tray." She leaned in a bit closer. "I don't suppose I could convince you to show me a good steak place?"

He considered her offer and mentally shrugged. He supposed he could wait to talk to Sam. She probably had plans with the cop anyway. Hell, he wasn't a monk, and he was getting damn tired of living like one. And here was a woman who was cute, available, and most importantly not in his chain of command.

He gave her a half grin. "Meet you topside in thirty?"

She beamed at him. "It's a date."


	20. Resolution

**A/N - And now the second of two chapters posted today - the long awaited tag to Threads. My Christmas gift to you! Rated T.**

Sam lowered her head and rested it on the steering wheel, thinking back to Pete's surprise that morning.

The moment she had opened her eyes and seen the beautiful suburban house, the magnitude of her mistake had hit her like a staff blast. Her relationship with Pete had been wrong from the very beginning.

He was kind, and safe, and would give her anything she ever desired. She'd told herself all along that he was what she wanted in a man because she'd thought that was what she _should_ want. But she realized now that she had no wish to live the rest of her life in a sunny yellow kitchen, any more than she wanted to live on a farm in Montana.

No, the truth was Samantha Carter thrived on action and adventure, and what she needed was a man who refused to cater to her every whim, someone who would challenge her, someone who could bring out the best in her. Without those things - without _him_ - she would never truly be satisfied.

She sighed. She had been lying to herself, and in so doing, she had lied to Pete, and to Jack. So, here she sat, in her car, parked in his driveway, working up the courage to finally talk to him, to apologize and tell him how she felt, and to find out if maybe, just maybe, he felt the same way. She took a deep breath and opened her car door.

Ten minutes later, her entire world crashed down around her.

oOoOoOo

Jack was still pondering Kerry's parting words to him, when Walter came into his office and told him that Jacob wanted to speak with him. Jack immediately made his way to the infirmary, fearful that the end was near. As he rounded the corner into Jacob's room, he was surprised to find his friend alone in his bed. He winced at the sight of Sam's normally formidable father looking pallid and frail, his eyes closed.

"Jacob?" he asked softly, not wanting to disturb the man if he was sleeping.

The General opened his eyes and turned slowly to face him. "Jack. Thanks for coming." His voice was weak, but Jack was relieved to find his tone as no-nonsense as usual.

Jack approached his bed. "Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need?"

"No, listen. We don't have much time. Sam will be back in a few minutes." Jacob took a deep breath and grabbed Jack's arm, his grip surprisingly strong. "I need you to make me a promise."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Anything."

"Promise me you'll tell Sam how you feel."

Jack blinked a few times. He couldn't know, could he? "What are you talking about, Jacob?"

Jacob closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. "Jack, please. I'm dying. I don't have time to bullshit with you." He looked the younger man straight in the eye. "I've watched the two of you for years. It's clear you're crazy about each other."

Jack backed up a bit and ran both hands through his hair, exasperated. "Maybe you haven't noticed, Jacob, but she's marrying someone else."

"Only because she thinks she can't have you."

"Jacob..." he began, his voice a warning.

But the older man was undeterred. "Do you love her? Do you?" he demanded.

Jack looked at him for several seconds before he finally answered. "Yes."

Jacob smiled a bit, relief flooding his features. "Then tell her. Let her make the decision with all of the information. What do you have to lose?"

oOoOoOo

Sam sat on her couch and let out another sob. It was late, but sleep refused to come. She just couldn't believe her father was dead. Even though she was grateful for their last few years together, she still hadn't been prepared to lose him. It was all so sudden – one moment she was introducing him to her fiancé, the next moment he was gone.

And then there was her engagement, which she now knew was over. Well, at least _she_ knew. She hadn't had a chance to tell Pete yet, but then, she just couldn't deal with that at the moment. That, or the fact Jack was seeing another woman. No, she especially didn't want to think about Jack with someone else.

She was roused from her thoughts by a soft knock at the door. What now? she wondered. The knock sounded again, more insistent this time. Somehow she pulled herself off the couch, several used tissues falling out of her lap as she stood. God, she hoped it wasn't Pete.

She walked to her front door and looked out the peephole, only to see Jack standing on her porch. What was he doing here? She considered for a moment not opening it – she realized she must look a mess – but it occurred to her that he probably saw her car in the driveway and, if so, he wasn't going to leave, at least not easily. Her mind made up, she turned the lock and opened the door.

"Carter," he stated simply.

"Sir?"

"Thought I'd come by and check on you." They stood staring at each other for a moment before he continued. "Mind if I come in?"

"Oh," she shook herself, then stepped to the side to let him in. "Of course not."

He walked into her foyer, and she closed the door behind him. He turned to face her. "Are you okay?" She nodded, but before she could stop them, great tears began rolling down her cheeks.

Jack sighed. "Okay, stupid question."

"Sorry, sir," she muttered, her voice catching a bit.

He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Hey, there's nothing to apologize for," he said softly.

Sam sniffed and looked up at him and was immediately reminded of the debacle at his house that afternoon. Her cheeks colored, and despite all that had happened since, she felt compelled to explain. "Look, sir, about earlier, when I came by your house... I just... I...I wanted you to know...I'm going to break it off with Pete."

"Oh?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and dropping his hands.

"Yeah. I finally realized that I don't really love him, not like I should." She paused to get her emotions under control. "Great timing, huh?" She tried to smile at him, but couldn't prevent another sob from escaping.

Jack hesitated for only a second, then moved toward her. "C'mere," he said, drawing her into his embrace.

Sam closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder. God, she could stay like this forever. But then, he was no longer hers. She had no right to take comfort in his arms, and she had only herself to blame. She took a deep breath. It was time to start doing the right thing. "You don't have to do this, sir," she mumbled into his chest.

"Do what?" he asked, softly.

"This. Stay here with me."

"I want to do this." He nuzzled her hair.

Sam pulled back a little to look at him, her brow furrowed. "Isn't Kerry going to wonder where you are?

"Ah, no." He gave her a wry smile. "She dumped me."

Sam was stunned. "What? Why?"

"She accused me of being in love with you."

Sam stepped back from him completely, her mind reeling. "Oh, god. Is this because I came by your house? I'm so sorry about that..."

"Carter..."

She shook her head. This was all her fault. "I should have called first..."

"Carter."

Somehow, she'd managed to screw up his love life, too. She needed to make things right. "Look, I can fix it. Why don't you let me call her? I can explain that it was all a big misunderstanding..."

"Carter!"

His tone brought her up short. "Sir?"

"That won't do any good."

She furrowed her brow at him. "Why not?"

"Because she's right."

She blinked at him, trying to process what he'd said. "What?"

He took a deep breath. "I am in love with you. I always have been. And I never, ever should have let anything get in the way of that." He paused while she simply continued to stare at him as though he'd lost his mind. "Say something, Carter. Anything."

The reality of everything he had just said finally sunk in. Her heart was beating so hard it threatened to jump right out of her chest. "Oh, god, I love you, too," she said quickly, and with that, she threw herself back into his embrace. She felt him tighten his arms around her and kiss her temple.

"Stay?" she whispered.

"Always," he whispered back.

oOoOoOo

Jack looked over at Sam, who was dozing in the passenger seat of his truck. He smiled at her and thought back on the whirlwind of events over the last few days, as he turned his attention back to the road.

Her break up with Pete had been difficult, though it wasn't so much due to her ex-fiancé's reaction as Sam's guilt over having misled him, unintentional as her actions were. Jacob's funeral had also been trying. Given his blending with Selmak, Sam, at the encouragement of Home World Security and General Hammond, had decided to cremate his body, a decision Sam's brother couldn't fully understand. That, combined with her split with Pete, had made their reunion at the memorial service somewhat frosty. Jack had also caught Mark eyeing him suspiciously on more than one occasion as he stood so close to Sam during the service he could have held her hand, which, of course, had been exactly what he wanted to do.

As difficult as all of that had been, Daniel's return, the defeat of Anubis, and the victory of the free Jaffa had been cause for great celebration. For all those reasons, Jack had invited the members of SG-1 up to Minnesota for a much needed break. He and Sam were going up a day early to prepare the cabin for the arrival of the rest of the team. Or, at least that was what he'd told her. In reality, he'd hoped they could take advantage of the remote location to enjoy each other's company free from distraction for at least one night.

He glanced over at her again. Ever since he'd landed on her doorstep and declared his love for her, he'd stayed by her side, providing a shoulder for her cry on and holding her while she grieved. Not wanting to take advantage of her fragile emotional state, he had been careful not to do anything more than kiss her. But now he wondered just what she expected from their relationship. He wanted more, but did she? He couldn't be sure and didn't want to presume, which was part of the reason he'd invited the guys to join them.

Jack pulled up in front of the cabin, just as the sun was beginning to set. The sky was a riot of pinks and oranges above the tops of the evergreens. He nudged Sam. "Hey, sleepyhead. We're here."

Sam sat up straight, rubbed her eyes, and looked out of the window of the truck. "Oh, Jack. It's beautiful."

She got out of the truck and began walking around the cabin, toward the pond. Jack grabbed their bags and headed inside. He made a beeline for his bedroom, then thought better of it, wondering if he should put her bag in there with his. He shrugged and set everything down. If she didn't want to share a bed, he could always sleep on the couch.

Once he'd opened up the windows, fired up the generator, and brought in their groceries, he wandered outside in search of Sam. He found her on the back deck, staring out across the pond. By now, the sky had morphed into deep purples and dark blues. A couple of bright stars could be seen just above the tree line.

He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "So, you like it?"

"I love it." She turned in his arms.

Her pronouncement made him ridiculously happy. He gave her a half grin. "I hope you're not too disappointed, but it's a little late to fish."

"I didn't come here to fish, Jack," she replied, her voice husky and full of meaning. A bolt of desire shot through his body and settled somewhere below his waistline.

He raised his eyebrows at her in mock surprise. "No?"

"No," she said definitively.

And at that, he swept her off her feet, carried her into his cabin, and never wondered again whether she'd be sharing his bed.

**A/N - Thanks to MidKnight Rider for her wicked beta skills. Thanks also to all of you who have followed this story. I haven't marked it complete, because I intend to continue adding tags for Seasons 9 and 10 and beyond, though they probably will be a bit more sporadic. I hope all of you are enjoying the holidays, and I wish you the very best in the New Year. And, if you're wondering what to get me, a review is always nice (hint, hint). ;) **


	21. Machination

**A/N - Tag to Avalon, Part 1. Picks up where the scene with Jack and Landry playing chess leaves off. Rated K+.**

Machination

Landry began setting up his chess pieces again. He took a swig of beer and studied his fellow general for a moment. While Jack reset his own pieces, Landry decided that now was as good a time as any to ask the question that had been on his mind since they first began playing. "You gonna tell me why Colonel Carter really left the SGC?"

Jack paused as he picked up his King's pawn to make the first move. "She wanted to head up her own team of geeks at Area 51," he replied, without looking up. He sat the pawn down and kept his eyes on the board.

Landry huffed. "Come on, Jack. You're telling me that she wanted that more than command of SG-1?"

Jack gave him a pointed look. "That's what I'm telling you, Hank."

"Uh huh." Landry replied, clearly skeptical. He moved his own pawn. "Mitchell wants her back, you know."

Jack sighed. "Yeah?"

"He's asked her to come back."

Jack let out a grunt as he placed his King's Bishop. "Good luck to him with that."

"What do you think about it? Would you approve it?" Landry asked as he made his next move. "Area 51 is under your umbrella now, right?"

Landry had tried to ask the questions casually, but Jack was no fool. He looked up sharply at his friend through narrowed eyes. "What are you really asking me, Hank?"

Landry sat back. "All right, Jack. Rumor has it that Colonel Carter left the SGC so she could be with you. Except you got yourself promoted to Homeworld Security, which means that she's now in your chain of command again. I figure that makes it irrelevant whether she works at Area 51 versus the SGC." Landry paused, waiting for Jack to respond. When he didn't, Landry continued. "I don't give a rat's ass what's going on between the two of you, Jack, but Mitchell wants her back. And so do I." He shrugged. "If it's all the same to you, we'd like to have her rejoin SG-1."

Jack returned to studying the chess board for awhile before picking up his Queen. "It's not up to me," he said finally, setting down the piece with more force than was strictly necessary.

"I think it is."

"Nope," Jack replied decidedly. "It's up to Carter."

Landry made his next move. "And if she wants to come back to the SGC?"

"Then I'll approve it." Jack took Landry's pawn with his Queen and stood to leave. "See ya, Hank."

Landry smiled down at the chessboard, realizing that he was once again in checkmate. He shook his head and chuckled. "Bye, Jack."

oOoOoOo

Jack held the phone to his ear with his chin, as he finished taping a box. "I heard Mitchell asked you to come back to SG-1."

"He did," Sam confirmed.

"Well?"

"Well what, Jack?" He could actually hear her smiling.

"Well, what do you think? Are you interested?" he asked, exasperated.

Sam sighed. "I don't know. Part of me loves what I'm doing here. But another part of me misses it, you know?"

"Yeah," he replied with feeling. "I do." Boy did he ever. In many ways, he enjoyed his position as head of Homeworld Security, but nothing could replace the thrill of actually being in the field, particularly when said field work involved traveling through wormholes to the other side of the galaxy.

"What do you think?" she asked him, uncertainty creeping into her voice for the first time that evening.

A million responses flew through his mind._ I think I'll be insanely jealous. I think I'll miss you beyond reason when you're away on a mission. I think I'll die a little every time you step through that Stargate without me there to watch over you._ "I think I'll support whatever you want to do."

The other end of the line was quiet for so long, Jack thought he'd lost the connection. Just as he began to pull the phone away from his ear to look at it, she spoke. "I love you, Jack."

Jack swallowed hard over the lump in his throat. He still had a hard time with the unexpected level of emotion she brought out in him. "Yeah, about that. Hank knows." He hoped she didn't hear how rough his voice had become.

"You told him?" she asked, surprised.

"He guessed."

"Oh?" she asked, and the amusement was back. "You think it's that obvious?"

He huffed. "Maybe. There've been rumors about us for years. It just so happens that this time they're true. But regardless, if you go back, I'll have to tell him. You okay with that?"

"I'm okay with that."

"Hey Sam?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, too," he said quietly.

They said their goodbyes, and he let out a long sigh. He missed his wife. It was crazy that in order for them to be together, she'd had to move away. But it had been the only solution they could come up with that allowed them to have a legitimate relationship and stay in the Air Force.

They had told only a handful of people the real reason for Sam's transfer to Area 51, though he knew almost everyone at the SGC suspected. Fortunately, one of those people had been General Hammond, who had recommended that they make their relationship legally binding as soon as possible, probably because he knew what was coming.

Sure enough, not two weeks after the small ceremony at the cabin, the President had called Jack to offer him Hammond's job. Jack had declined, citing the inherent conflict of interest. He'd thought that would put an end to the matter, but the President had agreed to make an exception that allowed Sam to keep her position, on the condition that they kept their relationship quiet. Jack still hadn't decided if the whole thing was a blessing or a curse.

He'd thought keeping their marriage a secret was going to be difficult, but as it turned out, that was the easy part. After all, they'd had lots of practice. No, the hardest part was being separated from her, and the thought that she might be returning to the field without him caused his stomach to knot.

He looked around at the boxes stacked around his mostly empty house. God, he hated selling it, especially since it meant he was leaving Colorado Springs for good. And especially now that it looked like she was moving back.

TBC...

**A/N - ****Apparently, it is possible to win a game of chess in only four moves. It involves the other player being neither good nor lucky, or just inattentive. But, if the stars are aligned, it can work.**

**Here are Jack's chess moves:**

**King's pawn to E3  
King's Bishop to C4  
Queen to F3  
Queen takes pawn at F7 to put opponent in checkmate**


	22. Confusion

**A/N - Takes place during the events of Beachhead, aboard the ****_Prometheus_**** while the team is on their way to Kallana. Thanks as always to MidKnight Rider for the beta. Rated T.**

Confusion

Sam gazed at the light show on display outside of the Prometheus' windows, a clear indication that they were currently traveling through hyperspace. She smiled. The sight never ceased to amaze her. She had to admit, it felt damn good to be back in the field, intergalactic zealots aside.

Daniel laughed at something Cam said, and her attention was drawn back to the small group seated around the galley table. The new SG-1, she thought with some apprehension. Her team. Or, at least it used to be. Now it was lead by Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell, who was both a fine officer and a friend, though she couldn't help but think that he was no Jack O'Neill. But then no one could be Jack, and especially not to her.

She suppressed a fleeting feeling of wistfulness at leaving him behind on Earth. When he'd learned she was going on this mission, he had made up some excuse to show up at the SGC. There he'd received a briefing from the team before watching them leave through the Stargate. Right before walking into the event horizon, Sam had turned to look at him, standing in the conference room window, handsome as ever in his dress blues with a look on his face she couldn't quite place.

She missed him already.

As if reading her mind, Cam looked up from his mystery meat and addressed the group. "So what was it like having Jack O'Neill as your team leader?" Sam, having just taken a sip of water, immediately began choking. But aside from Daniel thumping her on the back a few times, the question was met with an uncomfortable silence. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for him - the man's a living legend, after all," Cam continued, "but to be honest, he scares the bejeezus out of me."

During the briefing, Jack had been his typical intractable self. It made sense that Cam, who had not yet had much exposure to him, would be wondering about the meaning of his behavior. And, of course, no one had told him - or Vala, for that matter - that he was married to Sam. Daniel had felt strongly that he should know, but Sam didn't want anyone treating her any differently because of their relationship, least of all the mission leader.

It was Teal'c who finally responded to Cam's question. "I do not find General O'Neill to be frightening in the least."

"He's not so bad, once you get past the whole military thing," added Daniel, shooting a sideways look at Sam, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Well, I think he's sexy," declared Vala.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "You think everyone is sexy."

"There's no need to be jealous, my love," she shot back with a grin.

Cam sighed. "Okay, maybe it's different if you're not military, but come on, Sam, you have to know what I'm talking about. When you were first assigned to his team, you must have been terrified. You were, what, a Captain then? How did you handle it?"

"Umm...," she hedged, having no idea how to respond.

Fortunately, Teal'c came to her rescue. "I believe she challenged him to arm wrestle, Colonel Mitchell."

Cam's eyebrows shot up. "No kidding?"

"Ooh, wrestling. Excellent choice, Samantha." Vala wriggled in her seat, clearly enjoying the direction of the conversation.

"And then there was the whole Broca virus thing...," Daniel began. Sam kicked him under the table causing the archeologist to grunt.

Cam sat forward a bit. "Wasn't that the one where you all turned into horny cavemen?" Sam had forgotten that he had read every single one of the SG-1 mission reports.

"What!" exclaimed Vala, delighted.

Daniel smiled into his coffee. "Well, we didn't _all_ turn into horny cavemen."

"Can we talk about something else?" Sam asked, her voice strained.

Daniel put down his coffee and sat back, crossing his arms. "Bottom line, Cam, I don't think it's fair to compare yourself to Sam when it comes to Jack." Sam whipped her head around to look at him.

"What do you mean?" asked Cam, apparently missing the exchange.

Vala, however, hadn't missed a thing. "Yes, Daniel, whatever do you mean?" She batted her eyelashes at him.

"Well, there's a lot of history there. With all of us, actually, but especially with Sam. She and Jack have a special bond." Sam glared at Daniel, but he kept his gaze straight ahead, a slight smirk on his face.

Vala clapped her hands like a giddy schoolgirl. "Ooh, bondage."

Cam ignored her. "You mean, like, the military thing...because she was his Second?"

"Yes. Exactly," Sam replied, trying to cut the conversation short.

But Daniel was really enjoying himself now. "I'd say it goes a little deeper than that. Right, Teal'c?"

"Indeed."

Cam shook his head. "Well, whatever it is, I wish I had that kind of bond with General O'Neill..."

"I do not believe that is likely to occur, Colonel Mitchell." Sam could have sworn that the corners of Teal'c's mouth were curving upward ever so slightly, but because he was too far away to kick, she had to settle for glaring at him as well.

Cam, still oblivious to the unspoken conversation among the original members of the SGC's flagship team, continued. "Yeah, tell me about it. I don't think he likes me very much. In fact, I think he's regretting letting me lead SG-1."

That got Sam's attention. "What makes you say that, Cam?"

"Well, for one, he told me that if I screwed up his team, he'd...well, let's just say he promised to do things to certain parts of my anatomy that I'm pretty sure are physiologically impossible."

"Oh, my," said Vala. "I would very much like to know your General better, I think."

Daniel huffed. "That's just Jack being...Jack."

Sam was more sympathetic. "A large part of him will always consider SG-1 his team, Cam," she explained. "He had a hard time letting go when I took over, too."

"See, I thought it might have something to do with that," Cam replied.

Sam furrowed her brow. "With what?"

Cam put down his fork and leaned toward Sam across the table. "By all rights the team should be yours, Sam," he said in a low voice. "You were his Second all those years; you led the team before you left for Area 51. I never intended to come back and serve as team leader, but now that you're here, it really doesn't make sense."

"What are you saying?" she asked.

"I'm saying that you should take leadership of the team."

Once again, the table fell silent. Then Sam shook her head. "I'm only here temporarily, Cam. And frankly, if General O'Neill wanted to put me in charge SG-1, he would have done it already." She picked up her water and took a sip. "Besides, I told him I didn't want the position.

"You what? Why?" Cam asked.

Sam exchanged a look with Daniel and Teal'c. "I have my reasons." Actually, she and Jack had discussed the issue at some length. The truth was that Sam was concerned about allegations of favoritism if their relationship were to become widely known. Although Jack hadn't agreed with her reasons, he'd ultimately accepted her decision.

But Cam had no way of knowing any of that. "Okay, now, see - that's the second time you've said that to me," he said, and she could hear the frustration in his voice. Still, she wasn't ready to divulge the intimate details of her relationship with her former commanding officer to him.

She smiled. "Look Cam, all you need to know is that I think you're an excellent commander, and I have the utmost faith in your ability to lead SG-1."

"As do I," said Teal'c.

"Same here," Daniel added.

Vala nodded once. "Me, too."

"And so does General O'Neill," Sam said with finality. And she knew that he did. Otherwise, he never would have allowed her to walk through the Stargate with him.

"Thanks, guys," Cam said, looking somewhat relieved. "But, um, how can you be so sure about the General?" he asked Sam.

Her smile widened. "You'll just have to trust me on that one."

"Special bond," Daniel stage whispered in Cam's direction.

Vala grinned wickedly. "Mmm, I'll bet. So what kind of bond does he prefer, Samantha? Leather restraints or hand cuffs?"


	23. Apprehension, Part 1

**A/N - Takes place during the events of Ethon. Rated K+. With thanks as always to MidKnight Rider for the beta. Special thanks to AkamaiMom for the inspiration (see note below).**

Apprehension, Part 1

Euphemia Franklin, or Effie, as her friends called her, had worked for many an officer during her 39 year tenure at the Pentagon but none quite as unusual as Jack O'Neill. He was irreverent, with a quick wit and sharp tongue that she suspected belied the true depth of his emotions.

When she'd first been assigned to assist him, he'd taken one look at her and told her that he had no use for a secretary, even one as competent as she. Despite his steely eyes, which stood out in stark contrast to his unkempt hair and classic good looks, she was not intimidated in the least. So she'd just smiled at him knowingly. "We'll see," she'd said.

She had absolutely no military training, but she had learned a thing or two about discipline while working for the Pentagon brass for the better part of four decades. So as the paperwork began to pile up on General O'Neill's desk, she had simply waited patiently for him to come to her. Sure enough, by the end of the fourth day (a record, she had to admit), he'd approached her, hat in hand, and begged for her help.

She'd had it all sorted in the space of two hours, and after that, they'd come to an understanding: she'd take care of all the administrative tasks, and he'd stay out of her way. Ever since then, they had gotten on quite well. In fact, she had actually grown rather fond of her General, his proclivity for yo-yos and paper airplanes aside.

That particular morning had started like any other. She was already sitting at her desk when he walked in, making a bee-line for his office. He picked up the cup of coffee she had waiting for him but suddenly stopped short and cocked his head at her appraisingly. "Hot date today, Effie?"

She smiled. She had worn her light blue suit, the one that set off her dark coloring and the generous streaks of silver in her otherwise black hair, which, of course, she kept perfectly coiffed. "You know you're the only man for me, General," she responded, with just the slightest hint of sarcasm.

He grinned. "All righty then. Just want to make sure I don't have any competition." He gave her a quick wink and continued into his office, where she could hear him settling at his desk.

He likely hadn't had time to take his first sip before the phone rang. She picked it up immediately. The General hated it when she did that, still preferring to answer his own line, but Effie had explained to him in no uncertain terms that answering the phone was part of her job, and unless he wanted her to fall victim to the next government furlough, he needed to let her do it.

Not surprisingly, it was General Landry, calling from the SGC. Something about his tone troubled her, but she transferred him immediately. Curious, she quickly sorted the General's mail and entered his office under the guise of delivering the papers to him. She had only just rounded the corner, when a glance at his furrowed brow caused her to stop dead in her tracks.

"How long?" he said quietly into the phone. "Do we know if there were any survivors?" The hairs on Effie's neck stood on end. "And nothing from SG-1?"

Effie had to stifle a gasp. She knew how much his former team meant to him, and his former Second in Command in particular. Actually, she was fairly certain that there was something going on between the General and Colonel Carter. As far as Effie was concerned, that was fine by her. The Colonel was nice enough and certainly pretty, if not a tad too young for him, in her estimation.

Nevertheless, she was quite certain they were seeing each other on the sly, and she didn't need to hear the rumors to draw that conclusion. The two of them exchanged calls almost every day when she wasn't on a mission, and Effie hadn't missed how the deep lines on the General's face softened a bit each time they spoke.

More telling, though, was the one time Colonel Carter had visited him at the office. There had been no formal address from the Colonel when the General walked out to greet her, no exchange of salutes. She'd merely given him a coy smile, causing him to gape at her like she was a tall drink of water and he was a man dying of thirst. He'd all but pulled her inside his office while asking Effie to hold his calls, just before closing - and locking - the door. They had stayed in there a mighty long time.

Watching now as General O'Neill visibly paled in response to whatever was being said on the other end of the line, Effie realized that she should probably extricate herself from his office and pull the door closed behind her. Yet something kept her rooted to the spot. When he finally spoke into the receiver once again, his words were so quiet, she almost couldn't hear them. "What about Daniel?"

Whatever the response, it must not have been good news, because the General simply hung up the phone, propped his elbows on the desk, and dropped his head into his hands. In almost a year of working with the man, she'd never seen him so distraught.

"Is everything okay, General?" Effie asked tentatively. Receiving no response, she tried again. "General?"

"Effie," he finally said, looking up at her with haunted eyes. "I need a transport to Peterson."

TBC...

**A/N - As I was writing this chapter, I began to realize that something about Effie seemed familiar, and I vaguely remembered some stories about another OC who was a secretary for Jack. So I went searching, and I finally found her: her name is Glinda Baldrich, and she is the creation of the fantastic AkamaiMom. As I re-read one of her stories, ****_Secretarial Pool_****, I was shocked to discover how similar Glinda is to Effie. They aren't the same person (Effie has a different demographic and slightly more attitude), but they are so close that it was clear to me I had subconsciously channeled Glinda more than just a little.**

**By the time I finished this chapter, I had grown rather attached to Effie. Thankfully, AkamaiMom graciously gave me permission to use Glinda as my inspiration for her character. I'm not sure whether Effie will make a reappearance, but I am grateful to AkamaiMom for letting me use her here. And, of course, I can't recommend all of her stories highly enough. So in case you haven't read them, or if it's just been awhile, go take a look at her profile and just pick one. I promise you will not be disappointed!**


	24. Apprehension, Part 2

**A/N - Continuation of tag to Ethon. Rated K+.**

Apprehension, Part 2

Jack had far too long to think on the flight from DC. He'd sorted through all the possibilities, each more horrific than the last. Landry had told him that they'd received a communication from the Rand Protectorate stating only that the Prometheus had been destroyed by their defensive satellite, and any further contact from Earth, whether by ship or Stargate, would be considered an act of war.

Of course, it was possible they were bluffing. Jack knew the longer they went without word from Daniel or anyone else from SG-1, though, the more likely it was that something terrible had happened.

It wasn't the first time SG-1 had been presumed dead. They'd always miraculously pulled through somehow. But Jack couldn't shake the feeling that something about this was different. He'd feared their luck may have run out, and that was the one thing he didn't think he could survive.

Losing his team, losing _her_, had always been Jack's worst fear, but especially since he'd left for Washington. It was bad enough to have them go through the 'gate without him when he was still at the SGC, but it was far more difficult now. When he'd still been at the Mountain, at least he'd been the first to know where she was, what she was doing, and what had happened to her. And, right or wrong, he was one order away from leading an entire platoon of Marines through the 'gate to go after her if she got into trouble.

Now, even though he could still give orders, he was hours behind and half a country away from the action - for all practical purposes, powerless. For a brief time, he'd been able to take some comfort in the fact that she had transferred to the relative safety of Area 51. But then Mitchell and Landry had pulled her back. She'd gone willingly, of course, and he knew how happy she was to be back in the field. He could never deny her that.

But if something had happened to her this time, he wasn't sure what he would do. He'd been on the precipice of darkness once before, and he wasn't sure if he lost everything that mattered to him again, he'd be able to step back this time.

These were the thoughts that had consumed him for the last several hours, so it was no surprise that when he arrived at the SGC, he was in no mood for pleasantries. Instead, he was shepherded immediately to the control room by two airman who looked as though they wanted to be anywhere other than in the presence of the brusque General.

He swept into the command center, his face stern, and addressed Landry without any pretense at politeness. "Any word?"

"Nothing," Landry replied directly. He knew that even on a good day, Jack O'Neill was not one for mincing words. And this was not a good day.

"What the hell happened, Hank?"

Landry took a deep breath. "Maybe we should go into my office, Jack."

At that moment, the command center was filled with the familiar clunking noise of the 'gate as it began to spin, and the klaxons blared throughout the facility. "Unscheduled off-world activation!" Harriman announced into the comm. The gate blossomed then settled behind the iris, and he turned to look at the two generals who were now peering anxiously over his shoulder. "It's SG-1's IDC, sirs."

"Open it!" Landry yelled, as he headed down to the 'gate room with Jack hot on his heels. "And get a medical team down there!"

Once in the 'gate room, Jack watched the rippling blue event horizon nervously, not yet daring to hope that SG-1 had somehow pulled off another miracle. After several long seconds Cameron Mitchell finally emerged, trailed by a number of people dressed in uniforms that identified them as the crew of the Prometheus. Mitchell immediately approached the two men in dress blues, who were standing at the foot of the ramp.

"Report, Colonel," demanded Landry.

Mitchell's eyes moved back and forth between his superior officers. He nodded once. "Sirs." Unable to hold Jack's gaze, which kept drifting toward the 'gate, he finally settled on Landry. "The Prometheus was attacked by the Rand Protectorate while in orbit above Tegalus. They used the Ori satellite. Colonel Pendergast was able to evacuate 76 out of a complement of 115 before the ship was destroyed." Mitchell paused, and Jack saw something dark cross his face. "He, uh...he didn't make it, sir."

Jack winced. Pendergast was a friend and a major loss to the program. But as Mitchell continued to explain what had happened, Jack found his attention drawn to the people pouring through the 'gate. He'd done the math, and he knew that 39 souls hadn't made it. None of his old team had come through yet. Desperately, he searched the crowd for a single blond head, his stomach sinking as the throng began to thin.

Finally, a familiar face appeared, and Jack felt some degree of hope, even though it wasn't the visage he'd been searching for so desperately. Teal'c walked down the ramp, his arm wrapped around the shoulders of a wounded airman. Jack's optimism was short lived, though, when he realized the Jaffa was not accompanied by the rest of his team, as was the norm. The moment the medics took the wounded airman from him, he approached Jack, his face unreadable.

"T?" the military man asked, fearing the worst.

The Jaffa immediately understood his unspoken question. He clasped Jack on the shoulder and looked toward the 'gate. Jack followed his gaze only to find Daniel and Sam walking through, finally, the last of the group to arrive. As soon as they cleared the event horizon, the wormhole winked out of existence behind them.

It took all of Jack's black ops training not to collapse under the weight of his own relief. Instead, he merely closed his eyes and quickly repressed the rising tide of emotion that threatened to spill over into the middle of the 'gate room. He glanced briefly at Daniel, and the archeologist gave him a curt nod.

His gaze immediately traveled to Sam, only to find her already looking right at him. The second her eyes met his, she stopped short. Jack watched her crack ever so slightly, then pull herself together almost instantly. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to grab her and hold her and tell her never to leave him again.

As the remainder of SG-1 approached the bottom of the ramp, Jack found himself unable to speak, so Sam did it for him. "It's good to see you, General," she said softly.

Jack finally found his tongue, and if his voice was a little rough, no one mentioned it. "Good to see you, too, Colonel." They continued to stare at each other, oblivious to everyone else in the room.

His trance was suddenly shattered by Landry's voice. "SG-1, get to the infirmary. We'll debrief as soon as you're done." He turned toward Jack. "General," he said, and gestured toward his office.

The SGC's flagship team headed in the direction of the infirmary, and with one last look at Sam, Jack followed Landry up the stairs. By the time they made it to the office, Jack had recovered himself a bit. He looked at the base commander. "Too obvious?" he asked.

Landry gave him a small smile. "It was getting there."

TBC...

**A/N - Part 3 to follow. Thanks to all for the R&R!**


	25. Apprehension, Part 3

**A/N - Conclusion of the tag to Ethon. Rated M.**

Apprehension, Part 3

The last rays of the late afternoon sun reflected off the snow outside, filtering into the room and bathing it a dim, blue light. Sam walked in without turning on the lamp, finding that the dark space fit her mood. Slowly, she removed her jacket and laid it across the chair next to the bed. She then moved her hands to her head and began pulling out the pins that kept her hat in place, finally freeing it so she could set it on top of the dresser. She carefully began unfastening the buttons of her blouse, but as the last one came loose, she paused for a moment, her mind drifting back to the events of the last few hours.

She'd held it together at the memorial service somehow. The fact that Jack had been there had helped. Even though they were careful to avoid any obvious displays of affection, he'd stood next to her, occasionally letting his hand graze hers. Now, though, in the stillness of their bedroom, she could feel her resolve crumbling. She grasped the dresser and bowed her head.

Jack's voice broke her reverie. "Sam?"

She looked up into the mirror to find him walking into the bedroom behind her, his jacket off and tie undone. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. She placed her arms over his, noticing for the first time how small and pale her hands appeared next to his.

She leaned back into his embrace. "He was only 45, Jack," she said, her voice quiet in the still room. "His wife, those kids..."

She'd admired Lionel Pendergast from the beginning. He was honest and forthright, kind and brave. She had only worked with him a few times, but on each occasion, she'd been impressed, and he had clearly earned the respect of his crew.

She turned in his arms and let him draw her in, so she could bury her face in his shoulder. "It was just so senseless," she continued, her voice hoarse. Closing her eyes, she thought back to the moments before the Ori weapon had fired on the Prometheus.

She'd never seen it coming. Although the weapon had been designed by a strange alien race, the trigger had been pulled by ordinary humans, with the same petty motivations - religion, politics, turf - that were so common here on Earth. She'd always accepted that they might die in battle, but since she'd joined the Stargate program, she'd assumed that it would be at the hands of unfamiliar and powerful aliens, like the Goa'uld or the Ori. She'd never considered that she and those she cared about could be taken down by something so mundane as yet another power hungry dictator.

"It's a risk we all take, Sam," Jack whispered into her hair, as though reading her mind.

He held her for a moment longer, then pulled back to kiss her tenderly. But she responded with an unexpected passion, slipping her tongue past his lips, her hands scrambling to pull off his tie and shirt and moving quickly to the fly of his pants. It didn't take him long to catch up to her, and within seconds, what was left of her dress blues joined his in a pile on the floor.

Completely naked now, she pressed the full length of her body to him, as their tongues danced and their hands roamed over increasingly sensitized flesh. God, she needed to feel him, to remind herself that they were still here, that even after all the tough years and dangerous missions and long separation, they still had each other. She needed his strength, to feel him real, and solid, and alive. And she needed to know that she was alive herself.

Even though she was certain the light that had engulfed her on the ship was the one that would take her life, it had actually saved it, depositing her in the middle of a field in Caledonian territory, where she'd joined the other refugees from Earth as they looked skyward toward the explosion that took the lives of Colonel Lionel Pendergast and 38 others.

Gently, Jack laid her back on their bed, situating himself between her legs and letting his heavy frame push her into the mattress. She relished his weight, covering her, protecting her. She ran her hands down his spine, as he kissed the corner of her mouth, then along her jawline, down the length of her neck, and finally to her breasts.

After a moment, he began to move further south, but she stopped him and brought him back up the length of her body, anxious to have him inside her. Slipping a finger between her folds and finding her ready, he nudged her thighs further apart and entered her in one long, sensuous movement. She let out a long sigh.

She was reminded then of how right this was, in every single way. As what little light was left in the room began to fade, he continued to make love to her slowly, carefully, and Sam tried to imprint on her mind everything about the way they moved together.

She gave a passing thought to the time they had wasted trying to ignore their feelings - the first years, where she was in awe and more than just a little afraid of him; then the long, lonely years of their denial where any inadvertent touch or meaningful glance left her breathless; and finally, to the painful year they spent apart, trying to believe they could somehow exist without one another. How asinine that had been, when it was so clear to her now that she needed him the way she needed oxygen. And the idea that he could be taken from her, or she from him, in an instant...

"Sam," he finally whispered in her ear, drawing her name out in a manner she knew was as much plea as prayer. She'd been distracted and wasn't close yet, but he knew how to work her, and almost instantly she felt the low, sweet pang of desire she'd had since the beginning building to an almost unbearable tension in her core. Unable to resist any longer, she gave herself up to him completely and just let go.

She cried out as she came, Jack moaning his release at almost the same time, and for just a moment she was able to forget everything but the exquisite sensation of being married to him in every sense of the word.

She wasn't certain when she'd started crying, but Jack was already propped up on his elbows above her, kissing her face and wiping away the wetness with the pads of his thumbs when she noticed.

"What is it?" he asked softly, staring intently into her face.

She paused for a moment before meeting his eyes. "Do you ever think our luck is going to run out? That one day, it'll be one of us...?"

"Don't, Sam." He shook his head gently. "Don't do this."

"It just feels more real to me now, Jack."

He gazed down at her, continuing to brush his thumbs over her cheeks. "I know," he said finally, before leaning down to softly kiss her lips.

And she believed he did.

TBC...

**A/N - I found the destruction of the Prometheus far more shocking than both Daniel's ascension or Janet's death (admittedly in part because I was spoiled with respect to the latter two). Nonetheless, I was caught completely off guard by the scene of Pendergast accepting the inevitable right before the ship exploded. It seemed to me that our characters would feel the same, and that was what I was hoping to capture here.**

**More to come on this series, so stay tuned. Thanks as always for reading (and reviewing)!**


End file.
